


One Step Forward, Two Backwards

by xxMad_Donaxx



Series: Aftermath [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post DAII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:45:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2704304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxMad_Donaxx/pseuds/xxMad_Donaxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After safely fleeing Highever Anders and Fenris settle on the Antivan coast. For a year everything is peaceful. When news of the Circles disbanding and Templars separating from the Chantry reaches them, they're forced to flee once more. Over the next year they make their way down the Waking Sea hounded by irate Templars and Mages alike. They find themselves on the Orlesian side of the Frostback Mountains, unaware of the tragedy happening among the tall peaks.</p><p>There are now officially spoilers. Tags will be updated as needed.</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>Please heed the tags. There will be mentions of past abuse but I'm not going to change the warnings.</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Finding that quiet hidden away place had been harder than any of the adults Tuck considered friends figured. For almost a year they’d been safe on a bit of Antivan coast then word came that all of the Circles had disbanded and the mages were officially rebelling. The news of the Templars separating from the Chantry had been frightening with disastrous results only weeks later.

Tuck figured they were very lucky Isabela had been in port at the time of the attack. Most of the smallish village full of mages and their friends and family had managed to board the ship and they sailed away. The year that followed was filled with fleeing, both in Isabela’s ship and over land. Their village had dwindled through deaths and people who just disappeared. They were currently on the Orlesian side of the Frostback Mountains, living in a barely hospitable valley in the foothills.

The adults in his life all had very different attitudes towards the setbacks of the last year or so. Fenris, who was obviously frustrated, kept stubbornly at it. He worked daily with the non-mages that remained along with a friendly Templar they had picked up near Ostwick. Anders seemed distracted more often than not. Tuck couldn’t figure out exactly what was bothering him and Fenris had told him in no uncertain terms to leave it be. He had stopped asking questions but Tuck still worried. Neria seemed to be the calmest, taking their hardships in stride. She didn’t seem put off at all just more determined to make it work.

Gabe, who was nearly eighteen, seemed to have been permanently changed by whatever had happened before he’d been spirited out of Denerim. He was as disagreeable as ever but seemed to accept Anders now even though they still didn’t get along very well. Tuck turned from the weird green discoloration of the sky above the mountain peaks to his brother, crouched nearby looking bored.

“What do you think it is?” Tuck asked.

“How should I know?” he replied irritably with a shrug. “Bad enough everyone else has their knickers in a twist about it. Don’t need you going on and on too.”

“You’re such a shit,” said Tuck. He stepped forward and pushed lightly on Gabe’s shoulder with his foot knocking him off balance.

“Hey!” Gabe glared up at him before standing. He brushed snow off of his bottom and continued to glare. “It doesn’t matter much what it is. There’s nothing we can do about it anyway. Let’s get back before someone starts worrying.”

Tuck scowled at his brother’s retreating figure and reluctantly followed.

*

Anders had known the fight for freedom would be bloody. He’d been ready to accept the blame most would put on his shoulders. It was hard to accept how very little he could do to help. Now that the Circles were disbanded and the rebellion in capable hands, the best he could do was help Fenris prove his idea could work. Being hounded by rogue Templars and furious Circle mages who wouldn’t even listen was disheartening.

That wasn’t the only thing not sitting well with him. Hawke’s continued absence was worrisome despite Isabela’s claims that he was fine. Since they’d sailed from Highever the man who’d paid a mercenary to capture and rape him into submission had tried again several times. None had succeeded but they also hadn’t seen the man himself, just a bunch of unskilled lackeys. It didn’t mean that he might not have gotten lucky and come across Hawke.

His thoughts circled as he huddled inside their makeshift shelter, sitting close to the fire. Cold drifted in through one side of the lean-to and he pulled his knees closer to his chest, watching the flickering gray splotch he knew was the fire.

_We must do something._

Anders sighed but didn’t answer. Aside from his despair and worry Justice was restless. The problems they’d encountered so far weren’t insurmountable but since they couldn’t remain in the same place for more than a month finding a solution for those problems had proved difficult. Continually running wasn’t Justice’s idea of being productive. Anders was very frustrated as well but as long as they had to keep moving there wasn’t much to be done.

While steeling himself for another mental tirade from the spirit a loud humming noise caught his attention. He unfurled a little and turned his ear to the strange sound. It came from the center of their camp and Anders stood, listening to the growing cries of alarm now all around. Alarm gave way to terror and panic seconds later when he heard the roar of what could only be a demon.

He started off towards the sounds, feeling the chaos around him with growing anger at whoever had been stupid enough to summon the thing. Anders was yanked the other direction by a hand on his arm.

“Not that way!” Tuck exclaimed as he pulled him along.

“Let me go,” Anders yelled irritably wrenching his arm out of Tuck’s grasp. “We have to destroy it!”

“Then you’ll get it from the two rage demons behind the pride,” Gabe snarled grabbing his other arm. “The whole bloody camp is full of demons. Move it freak.”

“Not helping,” Tuck snapped from his other side.

That arm was gripped again and Anders was hauled bodily between the two strong boys. “Find us a high spot,” Anders yelled over the rising din of demons and screaming. “We can draw attention and help the others escape.”

“There,” said Tuck. “That’ll be perfect.”

“That’s a sheer drop,” Gabe replied sounding uncertain. “Are you sure?”

“Get me up there,” he snarled. “We have to help the others.”

Gabe muttered fiercely but their direction changed. Moments later Anders stood at the top of what he assumed was a cliff and sent his spells where Tuck directed.

*

“Ice twenty feet ahead and a little to the right,” Tuck hollered as he sent a fireball at the pride demon that had finally taken notice of them.

Anders silently sent the ball of ice on its way, grim and determined. Tuck was fairly sure most of the others had scattered into the trees. He hadn’t seen which direction Fenris had gone. There had only been glimpses of the ethereal blue shadow flitting among the demons pouring out of the green thing in the middle of their camp. For every demon that had perished another appeared.

“We have to get out of here!” Gabe yelled running up the hill. “Everyone’s gone but us!” He was panting when he stopped beside Tuck. “Damn it! That fucking demon has us cornered.”

The cliff extended as far as he could see to their right and left. With no one else in the now torn up camp the other remaining demons were beginning to snake their way over. “Could we get around them through those trees?” Tuck asked pointing to the left.

“Then we’ll run into the coast and be pinned there,” Gabe said shaking his head.

“How far down does the cliff go?” Anders asked calmly.

“Too far,” said Gabe.

“About thirty feet,” Tuck said looking over. “Can’t actually see the ground though. It’s covered in snow.”

“How’s your force magic coming along?” said Anders half turning at the sound of a demon roar.

“Not half as good as my elementals but better than it was,” he said turning back to the demon. “I don’t think it’s going to help with the demon. It’s going to make us paste.”

“Break our fall Tuck,” Anders said.

Tuck felt Anders grip his arm and then he was falling backwards. He heard a string of curses from Gabe that would probably have made Isabela blush and knew Anders had pulled him over as well. With only seconds until they hit the snow below, Tuck hastily cast a spell under them. His decent slowed moments before he plunged into the snow bank beneath them. He flailed around trying to push away the snow on top of him listening to his brother cuss.

“You blighted idiot!” Gabe snarled at Anders who was also trying to stand. “You could have killed us!”

“Better than being torn apart by a demon,” Anders snapped back. “Where’s my staff?”

“Take mine,” Tuck said. “We can argue later. The demon looks like it wants to follow us.”

“Andraste’s tits,” Gabe said irritably looking up the cliff face.

A large clawed hand was visible gripping the edge. Tuck could see the open maw of the pride demon and the six beady eyes glaring down at them. He took Anders' hand and trudged through the deep snow after Gabe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Brief mentions of addiction.
> 
> Another warning, though not as serious. Gabe and Tuck really do cuss a lot.

Fenris trudged tiredly through the trees towards the fire he could see ahead. Sophie gripped his hand tightly on one side and Martin’s hand on the other. Martin, a Templar that they’d come across outside of Ostwick, had been with Neria’s adopted daughter when he’d come across the path they were currently on. She was obviously frightened but quietly continued on.

The whole camp had scattered when demons began pouring out of the strange green cloud that had appeared. Fenris knew many of the people had escaped thanks to whoever had been attacking the demons from above. After he knew the camp was completely abandoned Fenris herded the few he’d found in the immediate area further up into the mountains. He’d spent all afternoon and most of the evening now combing the woods looking for his people.

Neria would be ecstatic to see Sophie and Martin safe but Fenris had a long night ahead of him. There had been no sign what so ever of Anders. He also hadn’t found Gabe or Tuck. When Martin and Sophie were safe at their new temporary camp, he planned to go back to their old camp. Fenris didn’t want to think the worst but checking the bodies would give him a little peace of mind.

“You two go on ahead,” said Fenris stopping.

“Where are you going?” Martin said suspiciously.

“Back,” he replied tersely.

“You can’t,” said Martin firmly. “It’s nearly full dark and there are still demons down there. You’ll be torn apart.”

“I’ll be fine,” Fenris said turning back down the path. Sophie’s grip tightened on his hand. “Sophie let go.”

“No,” she said quietly. “You’ll be hurt.”

“At least wait until tomorrow morning,” Martin said. “I’ll go with you. We’ll have a better chance together.”

Fenris sighed and nodded reluctantly after a moment. He hated the thought of leaving either Anders or the boys in the woods alone with demons everywhere. Hopefully they were together. They continued on the small path and entered the temporary camp. Neria sat by one of the fires with a few others, nursing her young daughter.

“Sophie! Martin!” she exclaimed. “Thank the Maker!”

“Nana!” Sophie said as she ran forward.

Neria folded her into a tight embrace when Sophie dropped beside her despite the infant at her breast. Fenris listened for a few seconds and walked slowly away. He wandered through, trying to see if anyone else had made it here on their own. What he saw was disheartening. Since fleeing Antiva their number had steadily dwindled. Out of the forty people he’d begun the day with less than twenty remained. Some had fallen to demons but there had to be others still lost in the surrounding forest.

He slumped down next to a tree away from the campfires and surveyed the people who looked to him for leadership. Frightened adults attempted to sooth terrified children. Some stared blankly into the fire while others simply wept. Precious few held tight to their immediate loved ones. Fenris sighed and pulled his coat tighter around him, trying not to let his imagination run rampant.

*

With Hayley sleeping and Sophie not quite sleeping next to her, Neria turned her attention to Martin. The Templar was everything she liked in a human; tall, broad shoulders, an easy smile and a nice thick cock. His laid back personality had eventually won everyone’s trust but it had taken quite a while. They had found him alone along the coast near Ostwick suffering from withdrawal.

Neria had convinced Anders to help him first. Martin couldn’t have hurt an insect when they’d come across him, shaking and sick from the sudden lack of lyruim in his system. When he was well enough to talk they discovered that he had left his company shortly after the Templars had broken away from the Chantry. He couldn’t stomach what his fellows were planning and set off on his own.

There were dark smudges underneath his brown eyes and he looked utterly exhausted. His short light brown hair looked a shade darker from the soot, dirt and blood of battle. He rubbed his temples, his eyes shut tightly. Neria laid a hand on his thigh and said softly, “Are you all right?”

“Headache,” he replied with a tight smile. “It’s been a trying day.” Martin patted her hand lightly. “I’ll be fine. Fenris though…”

“I’ve been asking everyone to tell me what happened,” Neria said. “It’s… pretty confusing but most agree it was Anders and Tuck up on that hill.”

“Gabe not far away I’m sure,” Martin said. “Maybe you should go tell him that. It might ease his worry some.”

“I think I will,” said Neria squeezing his thigh.

She stood knowing Sophie and Hayley would be fine with Martin to watch over them and went to their pathetically small supply pile. Neria grabbed the only remaining blanket and made her way over to where Fenris sat. He didn’t move when she neared, didn’t look when she crouched next to him.

“Fenris,” she said holding out the blanket.

“Take it,” he said still staring down the hill. “The baby…”

“Will stay plenty warm without it,” Neria interrupted. “She has me and Sophie.”

“And you have your lover to keep you warm,” Fenris said finally meeting her eyes. 

“I’m sorry he’s not here Fenris,” she said trying hard not to feel hurt or insulted at the resentment she heard in his voice. “Everyone agrees that it was Anders and Tuck on the hill. I’m sure they got away.” Neria stood and dropped the blanket in his lap. “You’re not the only one worried about them either.” She turned and started away.

“Neria,” Fenris said before she’d taken two steps.

“Try not freeze to death,” Neria called back over her shoulder without stopping.

Martin was already lying down curled around Hayley. Neria settled in and snuggled up to Sophie, stroking her hair and whispering soothingly when she woke briefly. He met her gaze over the children’s heads, frowning.

“Hasn’t there been enough fighting?” he asked quietly.

“Tell him that,” she muttered.

“He’s worried,” Martin said his frown deepening.

“So am I,” Neria whispered fiercely. “I’ve known Anders far longer than any of you and I know, blind or not, he’s too bloody stubborn to let a few demons take him out.”

“Divided we fall,” Martin murmured. “I’m going back with Fenris tomorrow. We can talk about what to do after. Hopefully when emotions won’t be ruling everyone’s better judgment.”

She held in a sigh and closed her eyes, feeling guilty. Her little family had made it through the horrifying events of that morning but Fenris’ might not have.

*

“Fucking persistent demon,” Gabe muttered ahead of him. “I can’t see a blighted thing.”

“Where are we?” Anders asked tiredly.

“Cave,” Tuck replied. “The entrance isn’t big enough for the pride demon to get through.”

“Then let’s stop here,” said Anders. “We’ve been running all day.”

“If that thing is still camped out by the entrance tomorrow we’re killing it,” said Gabe. “We’ll never get back to the others if it keeps chasing us further into Orlais.”

“We’ll deal with that in the morning,” Anders sighed. “Find a dry place to sit and we’ll huddle together.”

“Can I have some light?” Gabe sneered. “Some of us don’t do as well in pitch blackness.”

“Asshole,” Tuck muttered quietly.

Anders held in a sigh and listened intently, squeezing Tuck’s shoulder. Being chased all day by demons was enough to wear anyone’s patience thin. Gabe had never really had any to begin with. Tuck had told him what he’d seen and Anders didn’t think it was a good idea to go anywhere near that funny green cloud. Unfortunately it was the only option if they wanted to find someone from their camp. He suspected it was already too late to make their way back to where the others might be however.

“Here,” Gabe said. “This will work.”

“Tight squeeze,” Tuck sighed. “Let me guess. Shortest in the middle?”

“Sorry shrimp,” said Gabe tiredly.

Tuck sighed again and Anders squeezed his shoulder again. His tendency to get jammed between Anders and Gabe had nothing to do with his height. Not telling Tuck the real reason was one of the few things Anders and Gabe actually agreed on. He settled on moss covered stone with Tuck pressed closely to his left side. Soon enough he could hear the boy snoring softly and feel his head resting on his shoulder. Anders was still wide awake.

“Go to sleep freak,” Gabe said softly after a while. “He’s fine.”

“You won’t be if you keep calling me that,” Anders snapped.

Gabe snorted and silence descended.


	3. Chapter 3

Fenris crouched behind a large rock outcropping with Martin beside him. They looked down at the destroyed mess that had been their camp, both frowning unhappily. The tents were slashed apart and scattered about along with what little belongings his people had had. He could count at least four bodies from where they hid, thankfully none of them blonde. Unfortunately there was no way to search through the bodies or even get a little closer.

The strange green thing that had suddenly appeared spewing demons still hovered over what had been the center of camp. Sometimes it looked gauzy, almost like a cloud. Other times it was a deep green and crystalline, usually when it was putting out more demons. The demons milled about, some staying close to the thing that had summoned them and others eventually wandering away.

“We have to keep moving,” Martin said grimly.

“Yes,” Fenris said flatly. “Further into the mountains.”

“It’s our only option. That was the only easy pass from the coast we could find.”

“Further away from Anders if the others are correct.”

“Fenris, they’re depending on you to lead them to safety.”

“I did not ask to be their leader,” Fenris snarled quietly.

“The good ones never do,” Martin said evenly. “Nor do they seek it.”

“He refused,” said Fenris heatedly. “They let him refuse and accepted Neria instead. I was not consulted. Alone I could get through unnoticed. Hopefully follow their trail and find them but…” He growled in frustration and closed his eyes. “I do not want to make this decision.”

“Have faith in your boys Fenris,” said Martin sympathetically.

Fenris dropped his head, fighting the urge to scream. There was no way to lead the rest of his people through to find Anders, Gabe and Tuck. They couldn’t stay where they’d ended up for fear of an unending line of demons decimating those who were left. He could leave them and go after Anders by himself but that felt like betrayal. Fenris hadn’t asked for the responsibility of leadership but he hadn’t refused it either.

“Forgive me,” Fenris whispered bleakly. “When they are safe I will find you.” He looked up at the hill overlooking the other side of their former camp where many had said they’d seen Anders and Tuck. “Come,” Fenris sighed heavily after a moment. “We must move quickly.”

*

“Well?” Anders asked after Tuck had dropped from the bottom branch of the tree he’d been in. The pride demon had lost interest in them sometime during the night. The walk back to the cliff was long but they’d seen no sign of it along the way.

“There’s no way up that I can see,” Tuck said sounding disheartened. “No point in it anyway. There’s still a whole bunch of demons up there.”

“Damn it,” Gabe growled.

“What do we do now?” Tuck asked.

“Find another way,” Gabe replied irritably. “There has…”

Anders stopped listening and closed his eyes. Even if they could get back up the cliff they wouldn’t be able to find the others. The three of them didn’t stand a chance against a horde of demons. If they couldn’t get back then Fenris couldn’t get to them either. His only option was heading further into the mountains and crossing over into Ferelden. Their only option was back into Orlais.

“Anders…”

“We need to head south,” Anders sighed bringing his attention back to Gabe and Tuck.

“Obviously,” Gabe said sarcastically. “I asked if you think we should go west a bit first. It’d be a lot quicker without having to go up and down all these damn hills.”

“We might find a village,” Tuck said. “We don’t even have a pack…”

“I don’t know,” said Anders. “That might not be all that safe. There is a war going on over here remember.”

“Might make it easier to steal some gear,” Gabe said contemplatively.

“Might be easier to get killed too,” Tuck said.

“We’re going to need some supplies,” said Gabe firmly. “If we stay out here with nothing we’re dead for sure.”

“Gabe’s right,” Anders sighed. “West then south and across the mountains into Ferelden.”

“Stay put,” Gabe ordered. “Come on Tuck.”

“Where are we going?” Tuck asked.

“To find his staff,” replied Gabe grimly. “If we run into any more demon clouds we’re going to need it.”

Even though he didn’t appreciate being ordered around Anders did as he was told. He gripped Tuck’s staff tighter and sighed, hating the thought of getting further away from Fenris. The dangers of actually seeking out civilization were many. In addition to possibly being recognized as one of the men who started the Mage-Templar war there was the man who was bent on seeing him pay for destroying Kirkwall’s Chantry and the possibility of someone who’d been sent by Sebastian. That didn’t take into account the Orlesian civil war or the fact that they were all Fereldans in a country that saw them as little better than the Mabari their homeland was so fond of.

Anders sighed again and tried to ignore his empty stomach.

***

In the days that followed while Fenris led his group of refugees deeper into the peaks of the Frostback Mountains Anders, Tuck and Gabe hurried out of them in the opposite direction. In Haven a Carta dwarf who’d been sent to the Conclave to spy set off for the Hinterlands to secure horses for the newly declared Inquisition, the mark on her hand still mostly a mystery.

While Fenris drew closer to the Inquisition and relative safety, Anders drew closer to danger. The hostilities between Empress Celene’s forces and Grand Duke Gaspard’s had come to a fragile halt, both sides now trying to deal with the rifts that were appearing everywhere. The few towns and villages that had escaped destruction from the war still felt its effects.

In one such village a Brother of the Chantry, a fairly new face but still familiar to the people, works diligently. He has been vague about his past and politely refuses to talk about the jagged scar above his left eye or his useless right arm. This doesn’t prevent him from performing his duties, has in fact become very popular among the villagers for his kind words and deeds. In the dead of night however he lays in his bed, thinking and dreaming of the day when he will bring justice to the men who began this mess.

He puts the death of the Divine on their shoulders as well. If they hadn’t incited the war there would have been no need for a Conclave and she’d be safe in Val Royeaux. The years in between have only deepened his need to see these men pay for their crimes. After the Circles dissolved he dreamed of seeing both hung but as they escaped his hirelings time and again, his dreams are rarely of a quick death.

It is this village that Anders, Gabe and Tuck will come across first.


	4. Chapter 4

“Maker,” Tuck said glumly. “This place is too small to steal anything from.”

After days of trudging through snow up steep hills and down the other side the chimney smoke had been a welcomed sight. Tuck had hoped they would be able to liberate a few things that wouldn’t be missed right away. In a village this small however they likely wouldn’t get a chance to steal anything because someone would always be watching the strangers. With food scarce they were all very tired and hungry. He could now add dispirited as well.

“Looks like there’s a Chantry,” Gabe said gesturing at the far end of the village. “Maybe we’ll get a hot meal if these priests don’t have their heads up their asses.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Anders snorted. “Small villages can be worse than great cities towards strangers.”

“Any chance is better than going hungry again,” Gabe snapped irritably.

“Or spending another cold night wedged in between the two grumpiest people alive,” Tuck added sullenly. “If they run us out we’re no worse off than before.”

“Fine,” Anders sighed. “Let’s go. Just be discreet.”

Gabe glared at Anders and Tuck just managed to resist the urge to kick his shin. Without Fenris it was his job to play peacekeeper. Whatever it was that had happened soon after Gabe and Anders had met; neither had ever quite gotten over it. They weren’t constantly at each other’s throats but they argued regularly. They agreed on almost nothing and frequently hadn’t spoken to each other for weeks at a time. Tuck found himself wondering just how Fenris coped with them. He was only glad that neither of them had tried using him as a bargaining chip.

Anders gestured and Gabe huffed but finally started walking again. Tuck followed a short distance behind, Anders’ hand a familiar weight on his shoulder. Their feet crunched in the snow until they stepped onto a well-used path that ran to the north and south. Gabe followed it, turning right at another snow packed path that looked to be the only street of the village.

Single story buildings rose on either side, their roofs covered in more snow. People stared out windows at them and paused in their outside tasks to watch them pass. Tuck brought to mind a few spells that would likely scare the shit out of them but do little in the way of actual harm. Gabe’s gaze moved restlessly back and forth across the street, his permanent scowl and the daggers at his waist doing much to keep people rooted to the spot.

They stepped into the Chantry at the far end of the street unapproached without a single word spoken. The Templars normally present in any Chantry were missing at the doors as well as inside. There didn’t seem to be any Sisters or Brothers in attendance either. Anders’ hand disappeared and his staff thumped lightly against the pew to their right, head cocked to the side and listening intently.

“Hello,” Anders called out. “Is there anyone here?”

“Back here,” said a masculine voice. “I’ll be out in a moment.”

“He’s not Orlesian,” Gabe said softly looking over his shoulder.

“Not Fereldan either,” Tuck added.

“Marcher?” Anders said frowning. “Seems sort of familiar but…”

Tuck touched the back of his hand lightly when a man emerged from a room at the back. He wore typical Orlesian Chantry robes, red and white with a ridiculous hat and black tights that looked a little uncomfortable. Strands of dark brown hair jutted from the hat at weird angles like he’d just jammed it on his head hurriedly. Dark eyes looked at them kindly from an unremarkable face besides a nasty looking scar that began over his left eye and disappeared under the hat.

“Welcome travelers,” he said walking down the aisle. “Come and sit by the fire. You must be cold.”

A shiver ran down Tuck’s spine despite his kindly tone and warm demeanor. His skin crawled, goose bumps raised on his arms and the short hairs at the base of his neck stood on end. “There are spiders here, Godwin,” Tuck said evenly.

Gabe turned and looked at him sharply at the old code they had used in the orphanage. Some of the Templars had given him this same crawling sensation and Tuck usually wasn’t wrong about them. Serge had given him this feeling but he hadn’t known Anders long enough then to know he would be trusted so Tuck had remained silent. Gabe did know however, and he also knew how rarely Tuck was wrong.

“I assure you young man,” the Brother said gesturing at the door with his left hand. “It is far too cold outside for spiders.”

“There are spiders everywhere, Trevor,” Gabe said calmly, giving him the old acknowledgement. “He’s right though. It’s too damn cold.”

“Godwin language,” Anders sighed in exasperation. “Please pardon my nephews. I’m Anson.”

“Brother Whitney,” he said smiling. “Come and sit.”

“Where is everyone?” Gabe asked. “Don’t you have a Revered Mother?”

“Revered Mother Beatrix has been called to Val Royeaux,” Brother Whitney said. “Most of the remaining Sisters are occupied elsewhere at the moment. The Divine’s death…”

“Divine Justinia is dead?” said Anders sharply.

“Yes,” said Whitney looking puzzled. “There was treachery at the Conclave. An explosion killed almost everyone attending. Where have you been that you don’t know this?”

“In the mountains,” Anders said frowning. “We’ve been separated from our caravan for quite some time.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said sympathetically.

“Fire,” Gabe interrupted impatiently. “It would be nice to feel my toes again.”

“Manners,” snapped Anders.

“In the back,” Brother Whitney said unperturbed by Gabe’s rudeness or Anders’ annoyance.

He turned and they followed him back the way he’d come. Anders staff struck the pews to either side as they walked, Tuck beside him and Gabe a short distance ahead behind Whitney.

“What’s this business about spiders?” Anders whispered.

“Don’t trust him,” Tuck said softly. “He makes my skin crawl.”

“Like…”

“Yeah. Just like him.”

Anders frowned but nodded slightly and they continued on to a room off to the right. A fire roared in the hearth and despite his wariness Tuck hurried up to it, holding his hands out. Next to him Anders propped his staff against his chest and did the same. The heat was very welcome after days of tiny fires in cold caves or huddling together against the cold under the shelter of a tree. Gabe stood on his other side, soaking up the heat as well but watching Whitney, who had stayed by the door.

“You get around very well Anson,” Brother Whitney said almost cautiously. “How were you blinded?”

“Do you like people asking stupid questions about your arm?” Gabe snarled defensively. “How about that scar? How’d you get that?”

“My apologies,” said Brother Whitney after a moment of surprised silence. “You are quite correct.”

“I was born blind,” Anders said calmly into the tense silence that followed. “We’ll be on our way shortly. Thank you for your hospitality.”

“Stay as long as you need to,” he said smiling warmly. “Perhaps I can gather a meal for you. We may have a few other things to spare as well, blankets and such for your travels.”

“That’s kind of you to offer,” said Anders. “I’m sure you have little food to spare but anything else would be greatly appreciated.”

“I’ll see what I can find,” Whitney said his warm smile completely unchanged.

Another shiver ran down Tuck’s spine that had nothing to do with the cold. That warm smile hadn’t made it to his eyes this time. He suddenly wished that they’d kept going instead.


	5. Chapter 5

Neria jerked awake and lay on her pallet staring at the ceiling of the tent trying to calm herself. For the last few days sleeping had become a chore. She could still hear the whispers during the day that were much clearer in her dreams. No matter how many times she had counted the years since Ostagar it was becoming undeniable. Her Calling had come.

She rolled to her side and stared at her sleeping children. Sophie would be heartbroken. Hayley would never know her mother. It was bad enough that she would never know her father. Teagan hadn’t responded to her letter. Neria sighed as her gaze landed on Martin. He had been warned not to get too attached. She wasn’t sure either of them had followed that advice.

Unable to go back to sleep, Neria carefully stood and quietly left the tent. She pulled her coat tighter around her and slowly walked through the camp, avoiding the perimeter. The scouts that had found them struggling up a pass days ago had brought them to their camp. They weren’t prisoners but thought of as pilgrims or refugees. If any of them wandered to the edge they would be sent politely back to the center for their own safety.

Eventually she spied Fenris standing outside of his tent and slowly made her way over. He stared up at the Breach, expressionless. “Can’t sleep?” he asked softly without looking away from the sky.

“Nightmares,” she replied.

He nodded and they stood in silence for a while watching the green aurora swirl from the hole in the heavens. Neria had no doubts that it was his empty tent that had drawn him outside. Leaving Anders and the boys behind had been necessary but she knew he missed them horribly. Asking these scouts and soldiers about them had produced little results and their current destination only led him further away from them.

“Fenris,” Neria said quietly.

“Hmm?”

“I may have to leave soon.”

“Why?” he said sharply looking down at her.

“Has Anders told you about the Calling,” she said still looking at the sky.

“I knew of that before we… became involved,” said Fenris frowning. “”Why do you ask?”

“Because I can hear it,” said Neria flatly.

Fenris cursed in his native language and immediately began pacing in front of his tent. Neria watched him, hating to add to his burden.

“Why now?” he growled irritably.

“I don’t know,” Neria said sadly. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and turned to him. “It spreads faster if you join during a blight like I did. It’s only been eleven years or so. That still seems too soon. Hayley…”

“Neria,” he said softly gripping her shoulders. “Please don’t leave us.”

“I have to Fenris. I’m dying.”

“No. You aren’t.”

He sounded so confident that she could only stare up at him. “Surely Anders…”

“Anders will tell you the same. He was there too. He has seen what becomes of Wardens who survive their last journey to the Deep Roads.”

“What are you talking about?” she said incredulously.

“Some years ago in Kirkwall, before Anders was blinded, Hawke had been attacked several times by the Carta. Varric tracked them to a little known place in the Vimmark Mountains. Hawke, Varric, Anders and I became trapped in an ancient Warden prison while trying to stop them.”

“A prison? Wardens don’t lock people up.”

“This prison housed an ancient being. A talking darkspawn. He claimed to be one of the Magisters that defiled the Golden City.”

Neria frowned, thinking of the Architect. He had died easily enough so why had this other one been locked up? That there might be some truth to the Chantry tale of the blight’s origins was extremely disturbing. She motioned for him to go on however. While interesting and frightening it didn’t explain why he was so sure that the Calling wasn’t a death sentence.

“We met a Warden while trying to escape. He had gone there on his Calling and survived, not without consequences however. His mind was… fractured. Not childlike… more like madness. He limped hunched over, his hair was mostly gone and his eyes…” Fenris shook his head slightly and continued. “Even he had forgotten how long he’d been trapped there. It might take many years to deteriorate.”

“If my choices are becoming a ghoul or death I chose death.”

“Anders said much the same,” said Fenris smirking slightly. His expression turned serious and he held one hand in front of her, the markings glowing for the briefest of moments. “I can give you a swift death.”

“You’ll be leaving soon,” Neria said.

“And I will return with Anders,” he said firmly. “What we are trying to accomplish is too important to simply give up.”

Neria sighed and turned away. She thought of everything that she had given up over the years and what she would have to give up now. Her choice was to stay or throw her life at the darkspawn. If she remained on the surface she could continue to help teach the next generation not to fear and hate. There would be more time with Sophie and Hayley. The taint would consume her eventually it seemed but how much more could she accomplish here on the surface rather than a futile effort to kill a few more darkspawn?

“I need to think about this,” said Neria turning back to Fenris.

“I understand,” he said. “If you choose to leave I won’t stop you.”

“Thank you Fenris,” Neria said. “Maybe I’ll talk to Martin…”

“Neria,” Fenris said hesitantly. “I… must ask. Anders…”

“The blight was long over when he joined,” she said with a small smile. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

Fenris nodded but didn’t seem all that relieved. They turned back to the sky, watching the clouds swirl into the hole in the sky.

*

Anders hunched over and pulled the blanket tighter over himself. They had left the village without incident and with a few much needed supplies. Tuck slept peacefully to his left and Gabe shifted restlessly just past his brother. He couldn’t sleep however.

He had heard Brother Whitney before but he couldn’t place where or when. That bothered him enough but what he could hear in his mind now was almost enough to eclipse the man and Tuck’s certainty that he wasn’t as nice as he’d seemed. Whispers at the edge of his conscious that he knew did not belong to a demon. It was a song, both beautiful and terrible, the call of the slumbering old gods deep within the earth.

It was too soon. Anders thought he’d have ten more years at the very least. Getting back to Fenris was more important than ever. Anders had very little time to spare and he didn’t want to spend it searching.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Mentions of past rape and child abuse.**

Anders stood just off of the road in the deeper snow not too far from a tree. He was listening to Tuck curse as he descended, Gabe a silent presence just in front of him. Stifling a yawn he pulled down the blindfold and turned a slow circle. It was late enough in the morning that all he saw was uniform grayness.

“What are you doing?” Gabe asked irritably.

“Just wondering how long I’ve been standing here,” he said pleasantly stopping his spin so that he faced Gabe.

He growled angrily and Anders couldn’t help a smirk.

“Would you two knock it off,” Tuck snarled. Moments later he heard the crunch of snow not far away. “Andraste’s tits you’d think I was the oldest instead of the youngest.”

“Can we keep going now?” Anders asked impatiently.

“Yes,” Tuck said quickly.

“So we actually have a reason to hurry?” Gabe asked.

Tuck took Anders’ outstretched hand and placed it on his shoulder. “Yeah,” he said grimly as he started off. “There’s someone back there but I don’t know if it’s that creep Whitney.”

“Best not to find out,” Anders said cheerfully. “Let’s get a move on.”

“Maker’s Balls,” Gabe muttered.

Despite his annoyed tone Gabe must have begun walking faster because Tuck sped up. Their pace hadn’t previously been leisurely but the whispers he could still hear urged him on. Having a potentially crazy person following them should have been reason enough. Anders had been pushing for speed since first light however and Gabe was just irritating enough to press for an answer.

Both boys knew he was a Grey Warden but neither had been told of his shortened life span. It had never seemed very important. He had always thought Tuck would be old enough to not need a mentor by the time he heard his calling. Now that he knew how short his time actually was, it was the worst time possible to tell them.

Alone on the road with no one but each other for company was definitely not ideal to learn that your teacher was slowly turning into a monster. Gabe thought he was half monster anyway and this knowledge might make their terrible relationship worse. He wasn’t exactly sure how Tuck would react. The boy was generally easy going and very level headed but this news was horrible enough to shake even the most level person. Anders held in a sigh and kept walking, doing his best to ignore the whispers he could still hear.

“Tuck,” Gabe said after a few hours of silence. “See that?”

“Nice,” said Tuck excitedly. “Be right back.”

Anders’ hand was transferred to Gabe’s shoulder and Tuck hurried off. Gabe slowed then stopped. He had little choice but to wait. Tuck was likely after an animal that would keep them from starving. It didn’t stop his impatient sigh however.

“What’s the rush?” Gabe said sounding very annoyed. “We still have to eat.”

“I know,” he sighed.

“So why the hurry all of a sudden?” Gabe asked after a moment. “Does the Chantry creep have anything to do with the asshole?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Anders said. “I can’t place his voice.”

‘The asshole’ was how Gabe referred to the man who’d been hired to kidnap and rape him. Gabe only knew that it had happened. He had never asked about the incident and Anders had never offered details. Likewise Anders had never asked about the abuse Gabe had suffered at the hands of a Templar nor did he offer details. Anders knew he’d spoken with Fenris about it and while Gabe was still rather surly, his attitude had improved overall with everyone except him.

“Looky there he got two of them,” Gabe said enthusiastically. “That should keep us for a couple of days at least. Let’s hurry. The sooner we take care of those super fat nugs the faster we’ll be on our way.”

For the next two hours Anders knelt in the snow quick drying the strips of meat he was given. Necessity warred with desire the entire time but he managed to contain his annoyance. Not only was the person following them getting closer he wasn’t making any progress in getting back to Fenris. Getting Gabe and Tuck back to their people where they would be safe, and getting back to Fenris’ watchful eyes was entirely too important. He also had no desire to brave the Deep Roads especially since it was just as likely that’d he’d die in a tunnel collapse or burn to death in lava rather than at the hands of the Darkspawn.

After the dried meat was carefully wrapped in a spare shirt they’d gotten from Whitney and tucked into the pack they’d gotten from him as well, Anders pushed them onwards. Just before sunset Gabe refused to go any further and they settled wearily in a small alcove set into a large rock face. They squeezed together under the blanket after a small fire was burning, chewing on the dried strips of meat.

As usual Tuck was between Anders and Gabe. They had discovered a long time ago that neither of them slept very well when next to the other. From descriptions Fenris had given him Anders knew Gabe was built nothing like Ser. There was something about his sleeping presence that put Anders back there however. He knew Gabe would never dream of hurting him but sleeping minds were often not very reasonable. Anders wasn’t sure why Gabe didn’t sleep well next to him but was pretty sure it was a very similar reason. Tuck’s small body was enough to put them both at ease.

“Do you think this Whitney could be the guy Hawke and Neria saw in Highever a couple of years ago?” Tuck asked after a while.

“Hawke’s description of him wasn’t very helpful,” Anders said. “I believe his exact words were the only thing remarkable about him was how _un_ -remarkable he was.”

“And a scar over his eye,” Gabe added. “Can’t remember which one though. Didn’t say anything about his arm being useless either.”

“That could have happened in the years in between,” said Anders. “That scar though. You said Whitney had a scar over his left eye?”

“Yeah,” Tuck said. He shuddered and curled up tighter. “The creep vibe was strong too.”

“That guy might have started off all warm and fuzzy but it sure as shit didn’t last long,” Gabe said thoughtfully. “After he asked about your eyes… his were as cold as the countryside.”

“Could he have known Anders lied?” Tuck asked. “It was after that, that’s when it got really bad.”

“He couldn’t possibly have known I was lying unless he recognized me from Kirkwall,” said Anders shaking his head.

“You said he sounded like a Marcher,” Gabe said. “A blindfold and a couple weeks worth of stubble isn’t going to fool someone who’s got your face memorized so he can smash it in.”

Anders frowned in thought. If Whitney had known he lied about his blindness then he had to have been in Kirkwall. The Chantry wasn’t a place he’d gone to very often however. The information contained in the letter Fenris found in Ser’s belongings could have only come from Sebastian, who was almost always at the Chantry. If Whitney had hung around Sebastian a lot it would stand to reason that Anders had seen or heard him at some point when Hawke dragged him to pick up the Brother.

“Do you remember Percy, Tuck?” Anders asked. “The crazy Circle mage that attacked us outside of Redcliffe?”

“Of course,” Tuck replied morosely. “That’s when I zapped myself and he decided to hate you for it.”

“I don’t hate him,” Gabe muttered sullenly. “Not anymore at least.”

“Could have fooled me,” Tuck shot back.

“Boys please,” Anders said feeling slightly exasperated. Tuck never failed to take an opportunity to prod his brother about the enmity that existed between Gabe and Anders. “Help me figure this out. It’s entirely possible that there is a madman who hired someone to capture Hawke and myself following us.”

“Sorry,” Tuck said sounding abashed. “What about Percy?”

“If Whitney is from Kirkwall, and it’s entirely possible, how did he know Percy, a Gallows mage who likely got a lot of other mages in trouble?” Anders said. “Sebastian Vael knew Percy and he might have known Whitney. But how did they get together to plan and hire Ser so quickly? They had to have known each other as well. The coin used to pay him was Gallows’ funding so that came from Percy. Fenris said the handwriting was very neat and legible, like whoever wrote the letter did little else.”

“Through that Sebastian guy,” Gabe said. “Percy provides the coin, Whitney scribbles down everything they can remember being told about you and Hawke, they hire the asshole and part company. Neria said the guy in Highever mentioned Percy but like he was disgusted to know him or something. They didn’t need to be best buddies to plot ra… revenge.”

“What about his arm though?” Tuck asked.

“Parting shot from Varric or Neria,” said Gabe indifferently. “Maybe he broke something wanking too much about his revenge plots. Like Anders said it could have happened since.”

“Gross Gabe,” Tuck said disgustedly.

“Andraste’s flaming knickers,” Anders said flatly. “I think we need to put as much distance between us and him as we can as quickly as possible.”


	7. Chapter 7

“I think I know where we’re at,” Neria said looking around the small village they found themselves in.

Fenris was glad she had decided to remain with them. He thought Martin might have convinced her not to leave but he hadn’t asked either of them about it. Their relationship was as odd and complicated as his and Anders’ had been to begin with.

“Still in the mountains,” he said dryly looking at the huts to his left.

More soldiers bearing the flaming eye symbol had been sparring just outside the gates. People wandered among the soldiers standing guard at various points around the small village, many wearing Chantry robes. Fenris stepped in front of a wide set of stairs that led up. He scanned the merchant’s stall and noted the path that led to what might have been siege equipment seen just over the fence.

“Haven,” Neria said shifting Hayley from one hip to the other. “It was deserted when I left however.”

“How long ago was this?” Fenris asked turning to look up the path.

“Before the battle at Denerim,” she said quietly. “I believe the Chantry moved in shortly after.”

“Wonderful,” Fenris muttered. “Not only have we gotten closer to the Breach we’re surrounded by Chantry officials.” He turned to face Neria. “Is there an easy pass into Orlais from here?”

“Fenris? Neria?”

They both turned at the familiar voice. Varric stood at the top of the short staircase, a large sunny grin on his face. Fenris couldn’t help a smile as the dwarf started down towards them with his arms wide.

“Varric,” Fenris said. “What are you doing here? I thought you had gone back to Kirkwall.”

“I did,” he replied with a grimace. “Seeker Cassandra insisted I come along after interrogating me about Hawke.” His voice grew soft as he stopped next to them. “Don’t mention Hawke around the Seeker. I might have fibbed a bit on his whereabouts.”

“He’s all right then?” Neria asked softly bouncing Hayley and patting her back.

“He’s fine,” Varric said. “Headed back to Ferelden in fact.” His grin returned and he clapped Fenris on the back. “What brings you here? I thought you were still on the other side of the Waking Sea. Say, where’s Blondie?”

“One of those rifts appeared in the middle of our camp,” Fenris said evenly. “We were separated. He is in Orlais.”

“Gabe and Tuck are with him,” Neria added quickly at his frown.

“A lot of people here have told similar tales,” Varric said his frown deepening. “How many did you lose?”

“Half,” said Fenris grimly. “Death and lost in the chaos. We can’t stay here either, not with such a strong Chantry presence. I noticed Templars outside the gates as well.”

“Broody,” Varric said seriously. “This is probably the best place to be. There are already quite a few mages here and the Templars are all right. Tensions are high but Cullen is doing a good job of keeping things calm.”

“Cullen?” Neria said. Her brows pulled down and a small frown appeared.

“I can’t imagine that name is very common,” Fenris said also frowning.

“He let us go,” Varric said in a placating tone. He glanced past them and smiled. “Here’s someone who might help ease your mind. Maybe find Blondie too. Karina Cadash!”

“Hello Varric.”

Fenris turned to see a dwarf approaching them, walking around the bulk of his huddled group of followers. Her hair was reddish brown and fell just past her chin. She had a round face with thin lips pulled up in a small smile. What struck him the most about her appearance however was her facial tattoos. They were bold lines across her forehead and cheeks, down both sides of her chin. They were almost the same bright shade of green as her eyes and the effect was striking.

She scanned him and Neria quickly before she turned to Varric, her smile widening into a smirk. He smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “I’d like you to meet some friends of mine,” he said evenly. “Fenris and…”

“Natalie,” Neria interrupted holding out the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Hayley.

“Karina Cadash,” she said shaking her hand. “I guess you’re not pilgrims.”

“Hardly,” Fenris said glancing at Neria. “We were in the foothills close to the coast. A rift scattered my people and these soldiers were kind enough to bring us here.”

“Think you could find your camp on a map?” Karina asked suddenly serious. “The more of those I can close the better off we’ll be.”

“Probably,” said Fenris trying to hide his astonishment. “You can close the rifts?”

“Yeah,” said Karina with a small smirk. “I guess you have been a little out of touch.” Her gaze turned serious again and she gestured to the people behind him. “Your mages will be safe here. Cullen’s Templars mostly feel the way he does about them and he’s bringing the other ones around. You seem to be missing one though. Where’s…your other half?”

Fenris arched an eyebrow at Varric, his frown deepening further. Varric sighed and shook his head. “I wrote a book of Hawke’s… adventures. There were no details about you and Blondie I swear. Just that you ran off together,” he said.

“I pried a few details out of him,” Karina said with an amused smile. “Since this Mage-Templar mess started at Kirkwall I wanted to know more about what you two were trying to do. We can’t let this war go on if we’re going to fix that.” She gestured at the sky and looked up at Fenris calmly. “So. Where is he?”

“Orlais,” Fenris said glaring at Varric. “With two of our young charges.”

“Varric,” said Karina after a small nod. “Take Natalie and the rest of their people up to the camps. I’ll take Fenris up to the Chantry so we can find that rift. Do you know where Leliana is?”

“In her tent last I knew,” Varric said.

“Oh dear Maker,” Neria groaned softly. “Is this Leliana a veteran of the Fifth Blight?”

“She is,” said Karina. “She might be able to locate your missing mages.”

“I’m coming with you,” Neria sighed. “Give me a moment.” She pulled Varric down the stairs whispering fiercely.

“Is there a problem?” Karina asked curiously.

“Perhaps,” said Fenris quietly. “I am more interested in what you plan on doing with Anders.”

“Nothing,” said Karina.

“Nothing?” he repeated skeptically.

“I’m Carta,” she said smirking. “I’m no stranger to…”

“Let’s go,” Neria interrupted grimly coming up beside him.

Hayley was now with Martin and Varric was leading his group past them up the stairs. Karina looked at Neria contemplatively for a few minutes then shrugged. She turned without speaking and headed up the stairs, turning in the opposite direction Varric had gone in. Fenris followed wondering if Neria knew the woman Karina was taking them to see. Most of their followers only knew that Neria had been in Ferelden during the blight. Very few of them knew that she was actually the Hero that had brought the armies together to end it. That secret was guarded closely.

Fenris wasn’t sure that he wanted to remain in Haven. There were too many Templars and despite both dwarf’s assurances that they were decent, he was wary. At the moment there was little choice however. His people were tired and frightened. Leading them into Orlais would only make them cold and hungry again.

He was positive that he didn’t want Anders anywhere near this place. Karina Cadash might have good intentions but Fenris hadn’t kept them out of the authorities reach by trusting people he’d just met. Finding Anders was going to be quite a task however, one he had no idea how to accomplish.


	8. Chapter 8

The journey up and around the path was quiet. Karina veered to the right where some tents were set up. She led them around a fire ring with a few people standing around it. Neria heard them address the dwarf as ‘Herald’ or ‘Your Worship’ but she was too focused on a familiar figure visible at the back of the far tent to pay much attention. Leliana looked up at their approach and her eyes widened slightly. Neria shook her head the tiniest bit and was glad that Leliana turned to Karina.

“Hello Herald,” she said. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Leliana,” Karina said. “This is Fenris and Natalie. They just arrived with the latest group of scouts to check in.”

“You are one of Varric’s friends,” Leliana said confidently looking at Fenris.

“I am,” Fenris replied evenly.

“We were hoping you might be able to help them find some of their companions,” Karina said. “They were separated when a rift appeared in their camp.”

“Perhaps,” she replied noncommittally. “I would need more information first.”

“If you want I’ll talk to Leliana and provide the information she needs,” Neria said stepping forward. “So you can figure out where that rift was.”

Fenris glanced at her and nodded. “That would be acceptable.”

“We’ll leave you to it then,” Karina said. She nodded to Leliana and Neria then turned away. “Cullen is out by the gates so we’ll have to…”

Karina gestured as she walked away, Fenris listening intently. Neria turned back to Leliana and found her smiling, her hands clasped behind her back.

“Is there something special about these people you want found Natalie?” she asked evenly.

“The oldest is a mage for one thing,” Neria said softly as she stepped closer. “He is also blind, one of Varric’s friends and a very old very dear friend of mine. There are two young men with him, brothers, one nearly eighteen and the other fifteen. The younger is also a mage.”

“I see,” Leliana said. Her expression betrayed no emotion. “Walk with me.”

Neria followed her out of the tent, past the fire and towards the Chantry. They climbed a small hill next to the large building. Soon the entire village was spread out below them. Leliana pulled her into a hug and said, “I’ve been so worried. Why did you kidnap Arl Teagan’s daughter?”

“Sophie’s a mage,” Neria said pulling away. “I couldn’t let him take her to the Tower. Leliana, there’s so much I need to tell you but first, is the Cullen here the same man we rescued in the Tower during the blight?”

“He is,” she replied.

“Maker’s breath,” Neria groaned. “He’ll recognize me for sure. We’re too close to Redcliffe, I can’t hide with so many who know me, I can’t leave until Anders is safe with us and this damn song is driving me crazy!”

“Song?” said Leliana puzzled. “I don’t hear a song.”

“It’s the Calling,” said Neria stepping away. She turned towards the village and watched the people. “You wouldn’t hear it because you’re not a Grey Warden.”

“Neria,” Leliana said gently after a brief pause. “What is the Calling?”

“The call of the old gods,” she said softly. “It’s how a Warden knows that their time is short.”

“You’re dying?”

“Essentially. It’s slightly more complicated than that I’ve discovered recently.” Neria turned back to Leliana to find her expression sad. “Don’t worry about me. Fenris knows and he’ll take care of me if it comes down to it.”

Leliana nodded and her expression hardened after a moment. “We can speak to Cullen. There’s a chance he won’t recognize you.”

“A small one maybe,” said Neria wryly. “I tormented the poor boy before Duncan recruited me. I knew he liked me and I wanted to get him alone in a storage closet so badly.”

“We’ll speak with him. Tell me of this man and his companions you wish found.”

“He’s exactly who you think he is.”

“The mage who helped begin the rebellion in Kirkwall.”

“He’s not a monster. He just wanted fair treatment. I’ve learned what happened in Kirkwall. That woman should have been removed many years ago. Maybe then the First Enchanter wouldn’t have had to resort to blood magic. The Grand Cleric…”

“It was handled poorly,” Leliana interrupted quietly. “The Herald wishes to approach the mages for aid in closing the Breach and we have spoken a few times about the Circles. I believe she does not want them reinstated. You and the other mages in your group will be safe here but I cannot guarantee that Anders will be.”

“Then help up locate him and we’ll be on our way.”

“Very well,” Leliana said evenly after a short pause. “Tell me everything about him and the young men with him.”

*

“This would be a lot faster if we had horses,” Anders complained irritably.

“You hate horses,” Tuck said flatly.

“I have to get you two safe somewhere.” said Anders. “Then I can…”

“We’re not separating,” Gabe growled from ahead of them. “I may not be as good as Fenris but that fuck isn’t going to get any of us. I’ll slit his fucking throat first.”

“After all this time I really have no desire to find out what Whitney has plotted for me,” Anders snapped. “He doesn’t want you two. I can lead him away from you and hopefully ditch him somewhere.”

“No,” Gabe snarled harshly. “I’ll tie you up and drag you if I have to. Maker’s Balls what’s gotten into you, freak?”

Anders’ grip on his shoulder tightened almost painfully but he thankfully remained silent. Tuck sighed and trudged on. All morning he’d been listening to this same argument. He suspected the only reason Anders hadn’t ran off already was because he knew Gabe was deadly serious. His brother would have no qualms about knocking him out and continuing on with Anders sliding behind them on the snow.

Tuck was still having a hard time believing Anders suggested the crazy idea in the first place. He had no doubt his mentor could lead Whitney on a wild chase through the countryside but did doubt that he would get away. There were no guarantees that Whitney wouldn’t just come after them when Anders was gone either.

With angry silence ahead and behind him, Tuck sighed again. He was starting to feel very sorry for Fenris constantly caught between these two. Tuck had always been between them as well but it was Fenris who dealt with most of the squabbles. He found himself wishing he knew how the stoic elf did it. Tuck was ready to strangle both of them and he had no idea how to smooth things over.


	9. Chapter 9

Tuck spent another night between them, another day listening to them snap at each other and another uncomfortable night with Anders to his right and Gabe to his left. It was close to midday now and they’d reverted to ignoring each other. It wasn’t peaceful in any sense of the word but Tuck was just glad tempers weren’t flaring constantly.

Anders drove them hard but Tuck was certain Whitney still followed. He was also certain Whitney had a horse after this morning’s tree scouting. Each morning he’d climb the tallest tree in the area. The terrain was rolling hills with intermittent forests. They had been in a forested section but the campfire he’d spied on the trail behind them had been in a clear area. Neither Gabe nor Anders had liked his news. It brought up more questions and many more worries.

They were currently in one of the clear sections of the road they were following. Tuck was looking at a smudge ahead of them, just past the next wooded section, wondering if it could be a village. Hopefully it would be bigger than the last one. Obtaining more supplies was becoming a priority and they still didn’t have two coins to rub together.

“Hope that village is big enough we can steal a few things,” Tuck said casually.

“Maybe some horses,” Anders said tightly.

“No way,” Gabe said also clearly trying to keep his temper. “They hang you for that shit.”

Tuck held in a sigh. “So maybe someone has a hefty coin purse we can liberate.”

“We have to get there first,” said Gabe sourly. “One more batch of trees to get through.”

“Do you have something against forests?” Anders asked. “Is that why you’ve been in such a foul mood?”

“You put me in a foul mood,” Gabe replied. “But no. I don’t like trees and caves and wandering endlessly down a road to get to an even more remote place full of trees and caves and creepy things. I’d rather be in a city leading the jerk behind us into a trap to get rid of him for good. Nature stinks.”

“It’s just as possible to lead him into a trap out here,” said Anders irritably. “Why won’t…”

“Because we’re city boys and you’re blind,” Tuck said in exasperation. “You memorize locations of camp tents but out here in the middle of nowhere you’re more likely to get turned around and walk back to the Waking Sea thinking you’re headed south.”

“Seriously,” Gabe added in an almost pleading tone. “Do you really think I could ever face Fenris again if I lost you out here?”

“You’re not responsible for me,” Anders sighed. “And I would not end up going in the wrong direction. I can see light sources. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west.”

“Why are you so dead set on this?” said Gabe throwing up his arms in frustration. “Do you have a death wish or something? What happened to ‘I have to get back to Fenris' huh?”

“Better dead than what I’ll become,” said Anders grimly. “If I get a chance to get you two away from him I’ll take it whether you want me to or not. Whitney doesn’t care about any of the people around me. He wants vengeance. He wants me to hurt as much as I hurt him. I can’t let him use either of you to accomplish that. Fenris would understand.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Tuck said. He stopped abruptly and whirled around, angry and confused. “You’ve always said there’s one thing worse than death for a mage. With no Templars around I don’t see that happening.”

“Not for a Warden Mage,” Anders said softly. “There’s something…”

“Oh shit,” Gabe interrupted.

Tuck whipped around again at the very familiar tone of his voice. That soft and flat inflection had always meant they’d been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. Whether it was sneaking out or being caught with extra sweets from the kitchens that tone guaranteed extra work and sometimes a switch. Gabe pulled his daggers and Tuck his staff, backing away to stand next to Anders. While he was focused on the conversation they had entered the next bit of forest. A dozen mercenaries were arrayed in a large arc before them, blocking the way forward.

“Back,” Gabe ordered taking a step backwards.

“No good,” Tuck said after he’d turned to see a dozen more behind them. “We’re surrounded.”

“Put ‘em down boy,” a man said gruffly as he stepped towards Gabe. “No one has to get hurt.”

“What do you want?” Gabe demanded taking another small step back.

“Stand behind me Tuck,” Anders whispered. “Back to back.”

Tuck did as he was told and listened as he examined all the swords and armor behind them.

“We’ve got archers trained on you mage,” the same man said. “Try anything and they’ll make sure you can’t move.”

“Two that I can see,” Gabe said softly. His voice rose in volume and gained that sneering quality Tuck hated. “You won’t take us alive.”

“Behind us?” Anders asked.

“None that I can see,” he replied.

“Our boss doesn’t care about a couple of brats. Cooperate and you walk away.”

“Lightning storm,” said Anders. “Centered on us. Don’t move Gabe.”

Once more, Tuck did as he was told. He thought his mentor was a little crazy but trusted him implicitly. The mercenaries around him ceased to matter. Tuck ignored the soft conversation behind him. He focused on his mana and creating an electrical storm around them. His eyes drifted mostly shut, he could hear the crackle of power overhead, concerned shouts followed quickly by panicked ones. Gabe called his name out nervously. Tuck raised his arms, his eyes now completely closed, listening to the first strike arcing out of the sky in front of him. Everything was muffled suddenly and his eyes flew open as he sagged against Anders behind him.

“What the…” Gabe said in awe.

“A shield,” Tuck said looking at the white sphere that surrounded them.

He stood up straight and watched the mayhem on the other side. The mercenaries stood in place quivering or running away trying to get out of the storm. Deadly lightning fell from the clear sky all around them setting trees and people on fire, bouncing harmlessly off of the shield Anders kept around them. Tuck felt a little sick to his stomach. This wasn’t the first time he’d had to kill but it never got any easier.

“They’re gone or dead,” said Gabe grimly after a few minutes. “Anders?”

“Wait a few more seconds,” Tuck said tiredly. “He shielded us from my spell not the mercenaries.”

The shield flickered out moments later and Tuck sunk to his knees.

“Make sure they’re dead, Gabe,” Anders said softly. “Tuck, are you all right?”

“Yeah,” said Tuck studiously looking at the ground and trying to ignore his brother. “Just wiped out.”

“We need to put the fires out,” said Anders gently.

For the next few minutes Tuck directed Anders to the trees that had caught, always facing away from his brother. Gabe went methodically from body to body, searching through pockets and pouches after using a dagger if necessary. The snow was melted in several spots; trees split open black with soot and charcoal. The smell of burned flesh mixed with the smoke from the trees around them creating an awful stench that turned his stomach.

“Well,” Gabe said grimly. “We’ve got some coin now.”

“Let’s keep going,” said Anders also grim but very calm. “Can we make that village you saw by nightfall?”

“Doubtful,” Gabe replied. “But I don’t want to stop until we do. Some of them got away.”

“We’ll have to be careful,” Anders said. “I don’t know how Whitney hired these people from behind us but he’s apparently still very well connected.”

“Now we have to stay together,” Tuck said seriously. “He either under estimated me or didn’t know I’m a mage.”

“He won’t make that mistake again,” said Gabe.

“No,” Anders sighed. “Not likely. Let’s go. I still have to tell you both something and I’d rather be warm and full when I do it.”

Gabe walked a little faster than before, a little more wary of his surroundings. Tuck followed his mind racing.


	10. Chapter 10

It was well after dark when they arrived at the village. Tuck reported that it was medium sized with two inns and a decent sized market. Gabe led them to the Inn with the noisier tavern. Anders listened to the voices all around him while Gabe dickered with the Inn keeper. The conversation behind him caught his attention and he moved a little closer.

“That’s not possible,” said a gruff masculine voice. “Why would Andraste choose a dwarf?”

“Are you calling Marie a liar?” another masculine voice demanded heatedly. “She saw Andraste deliver the Herald from the breach.”

“The Chantry says they’re heretics,” the first voice snarled. “I don’t care what your wife saw. They wouldn’t lie and there’s no way Andraste’s Herald is a dwarf.”

“Excuse me,” Anders said turning to face them. “Who is this Herald you’re speaking about?”

“The Herald of Andraste,” the second man replied. “Karina Cadash. I’m leaving for Haven tomorrow morning to join my wife in the Inquisition.”

“The Inquisition?” said Anders. “What’s the Inquisition?”

“Where have you been?” the first man asked incredulously.

“Lost in the mountains,” Anders replied evenly. “After demons separated us from our caravan.”

“Why are you wearing a blindfold?” the first voice snorted.

“Why else would someone wear a blindfold,” the second man sighed in exasperation. “He’s probably blind. The Inquisition is the only group trying to fix the breach.”

“Come on Uncle Anson,” Tuck said from beside him. “Godwin got us a room.”

“Bunch of bunk,” the first muttered. “They’ll make it worse.”

“Thank you,” Anders said politely before allowing Tuck to pull him away.

The two men continued to argue and Anders wished he could listen more. Whitney, despite having sought refuge in a tiny village in the foothills of the Frostbacks, obviously still had connections. If he wanted to keep Gabe and Tuck safe seeking assistance from someone else might be necessary. A new organization that the Chanty had denounced seemed perfect. He even knew where to go. Hopefully after this conversation the boys wouldn’t fight him so hard about going there.

“I don’t suppose Godwin managed to get us a meal?” Anders asked following Tuck up the stairs.

“Bread and cheese,” Tuck said. “He’ll be up with it in a minute.” They continued climbing until they had gone up two floors. Tuck turned right down a hallway and walked a short distance. “Here it is.”

Anders explored the room and found it very small. There was one bed, a small table with one chair and no windows. The roof sloped sharply on one side of the room and he guessed they were in an attic room. Another attack was unlikely so soon but the lack of alternate exits bothered him. He sighed and sat at the table, his staff propped between his legs. Anders pulled down his blindfold and listened to Tuck flop onto the bed.

“You did well today,” said Anders evenly.

“Thanks,” he replied wearily. “It… still kind of sucks…”

“It does,” Anders said sadly.

Tuck yelped at the sudden banging on the door. “Open up!” Gabe yelled through it. “My hands are full.”

He scrambled to his feet and moments later Gabe set their dinner on the table beside him. None of them spoke as they devoured the meager meal of slightly stale bread and old cheese. It tasted heavenly after subsisting on nothing but nug and whatever other small animals Tuck managed to kill. It was far from filling but enough that he was comfortable for the first time in days.

“So what’s this horrible thing that happens to Grey Warden mages?” Gabe asked after he’d settled against the door.

“Not just Grey Warden mages,” Anders said brushing crumbs off of his shirt. “All Grey Wardens. When a Grey Warden is made we become immune to the darkspawn taint. We can sense when they’re near and they can sense us. We aren’t immune to the taint forever though.”

“Does that mean you’re going to die?” Gabe asked quietly. “Like Mama did?”

“If only it were that simple,” Anders sighed.

“Then what?” Tuck asked sharply. “You said better dead than what I’ll become. What’s happening and why now?”

“The taint is poisoning my body and mind,” said Anders turning towards Tuck. “Eventually the darkspawn will sense me as one of their own. I don’t know why it’s started now. I should have had at least ten more years.”

“How do you know if it’s too soon?” said Gabe. “Maybe you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong,” Anders said softly. “I can hear it even when I’m awake. It’s like whispers in my mind… the old gods calling out to be freed. The song that drives the darkspawn to dig deep underground. I have no idea how much longer I have before I become a ghoul.”

“Isn’t there something you can do?” said Tuck. “Heal it or slow it down or something?”

“There is no cure for the taint,” Anders said gently.

“Fuck,” Gabe muttered morosely.

“No,” Tuck said emphatically. “There must be something!”

“There isn’t,” said Anders. “I’m sorry Tuck.”

“Please Anders…” Tuck said desperately. “I don’t want to lose anyone else.”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Anders said. “I won’t live as a crazy tainted wretch. I’d rather die.”

Tuck groaned and silence fell.

“So where do we go from here?” Gabe asked after a while.

“Haven,” Anders said. “We have no idea where Fenris and the others are and we can’t afford to wander aimlessly with Whitney sending mercenaries after me. I’m hoping the group that fellow mentioned downstairs will take in a couple of talented teenagers at least.”

“This isn’t fair,” Tuck moaned. “We have to keep looking for Fenris and Neria.”

“We will,” Gabe said firmly. “They’ll be looking for us too. We just have to stay ahead of Whitney and whoever else he hires. Maybe we can hide behind these Inquisition guys.”

“We don’t know anything about them though,” said Tuck stubbornly. “How do we know they won’t want to kill us like every else has?”

“If the Chantry has condemned them as heretics then they’re our best shot at help,” said Anders. “We got very lucky today and the next time we might not. If the Inquisition can keep you two from paying for my crimes I’ll gladly hand myself over if that’s what it takes.”

“No! You can’t do that,” Tuck said sounding panicked. “They might kill you for sure!”

“I don’t want that to happen either,” said Anders. “If turning myself in can keep you from getting hurt or something worse then I won’t hesitate to do it. Please understand Tuck.”

“Promise me you won’t unless there’s absolutely no other option,” said Tuck softly. “You’re not a bad person and you don’t deserve to die for trying to make our lives better.”

“I promise,” Anders said after a moment.

“Let’s get some sleep,” Tuck sighed.


	11. Chapter 11

It was late evening and Fenris paced restlessly through their little patch of tents. The day’s training was done and everyone was relaxed except him. The only reason he’d agreed to stay in Haven was for information. Finding Anders on his own was a near impossible task but he was almost ready to attempt it anyway. In the weeks that had passed he had heard nothing. Varric had left with Cadash shortly after they had arrived and Neria was growing frustrated with his constant questions.

“Fenris sit down,” Neria sighed in exasperation. She was sitting on the ground on a blanket in front of her tent, Hayley bundled up and playing with a wooden horse next to her. “It’s going to take time.”

“There should have been something by now,” he growled. “They had nothing. They would have stopped somewhere for supplies. Even if they had to steal them.”

“There are a lot of little villages and towns in the foothills,” said Neria. “Anders and the boys could have gone to any one of them.”

“He will have been to more than one,” Fenris said making another pass in front of the fire.

“Leliana has her people looking,” she said standing. “Please don’t run off after him. If they bring them in now you’ll only miss them.”

“I can’t sit here any longer and do nothing,” he snarled stopping in front of her on the other side of the fire.

“You’re not doing nothing,” said Neria reasonably moving around the fire and taking his hands. “We’re trying to accomplish something. Haven provides safety and no one’s chasing us. We’ve made progress.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Fenris sighed in exasperation. “She has told us _nothing_.”

“Please Fenris,” implored Neria. “I’m worried about Anders too. Gabe and Tuck as well. Sophie misses those boys terribly. I want them back too but we need to give Leliana time.”

Reluctantly Fenris nodded. Neria squeezed his hands sympathetically and sat back down next to Hayley. Fenris heaved a sigh and sunk down on the baby’s other side. She dropped her horse and crawled up into his lap. As bundled up as she was Hayley was having trouble so Fenris picked her up and stood her on his lap. She clapped and smiled and Fenris managed a weak smile for her, missing Anders more.

He remembered the days and weeks before her birth. Anders had spoken endlessly of complications, warning signs and what he should see when the day finally arrived. He had been right there with Anders, seeing what he couldn’t and reporting everything. Fenris remembered Anders’ smile as he held the infant, swiping at her nose and mouth with a cloth to help that first breath.

Neria patted his knee when he sighed again. Fenris held Hayley while she bounced on his lap, smiling and trying to grab at his clothing. When her attention wandered he handed her off to Neria and stood. Sitting around and pining would only put him in a foul mood so he set off in search of Martin. A sparring match seemed like a good distraction and it would hopefully rid him of his pent up nervous energy. Gabe would have been more than happy to spar with him and his current absence was worrisome and irritating. Martin would hopefully be willing.

While Anders was his main worry Fenris was concerned for the boys as well. Gabe and Tuck were very capable of taking care of themselves. Fenris and Anders had seen to that but there was still much they both needed to learn. Anders he would have worried about more if the boys weren’t with him. He could only hope Anders and Gabe wouldn’t be at each other’s throats the whole time. Neither had quite gotten over their initial dislike of the other. Given enough time Fenris was positive they would eventually be less short with each other. Fenris now knew exactly how Hawke had felt dealing with him and Anders before their truce.

Like Hawke, he knew both sides. What they had each suffered was vastly different but exactly the same in the most important aspect. Both were frightened of anyone having that much power over them again. Their fears were still too fresh and naturally they butted heads a lot. Fenris had been patient with Gabe. The young man hadn’t opened up to him until Fenris had told him of his life as a slave and his former Master.

Fenris shook his head to try and clear away the thoughts. Martin had gone to the main encampment for food and he headed in that direction. Before he’d gone halfway he saw a hooded figure weaving through the tents seemed to be aiming for him. When he got closer he saw that it was Leliana. Hoping that she finally had news he met her between two tents.

“Have you any news?” he asked trying not to sound anxious.

“I do,” Leliana said softly. “There have been sightings in three villages on the edges of the foothills. They seem to be headed north but they are also being followed.”

“By who?” Fenris asked frowning.

“We don’t know. My agents tell me he is dressed like a merchant, brown hair, dark eyes with a scar over the left. He doesn’t use his right arm. Do you have any idea who this man might be?”

“I believe I might. Are you sure he was dressed like a merchant?”

“My agents were very specific.”

“Some years ago, after the… incident in Kirkwall, we discovered a man who wished to bring Hawke and Anders to justice. He hired a man that captured Anders but I defeated him. His employer, who we believe to be a Brother in the Chantry, has kept hiring mercenaries and hounding us relentlessly.”

“Do you know what this man looks like?”

“Ne… Natalie has seen him. I have only heard descriptions.”

“Where is Natalie? I have other news she will be interested in.”

“Back by our tents.”

“Thank you Fenris.”

He watched her hurry off in the direction he’d just come from. Fenris stood there for a moment frowning then hurried after her. The only other news Neria could possibly be interested in either dealt with Redcliffe or the Wardens. Either might affect their group adversely and he needed to know if it did. When he caught up Leliana was kneeling beside Neria and he sunk down next to them.

Leliana glanced at him but continued speaking. “All of the Wardens in Fereldan and Orlias have disappeared. Their keeps are empty, there is no sign of where they may have gone and very few sightings.”

“That’s not possible,” Neria said frowning. “There are hundreds scattered across both nations. They can’t have all gone at once leaving the south undefended.”

“This information has been confirmed by multiple sources,” Leliana said seriously. “The only sightings I have of Wardens are in the Hinterlands and possibly on the Storm Coast.”

“Nothing short of a blight would have all of the Wardens running for one spot,” said Neria her frown deepening. “And there’s definitely not one of those going on.”

“What of this Calling you spoke of?” Leliana asked.

“All of the southern Wardens at the same time?” Neria said incredulously. “I’d sooner believe they all ran for Weisshaupt for some reason.”

“If you find Anders there will be another Warden to ask,” Fenris said. “Neria said he shouldn’t be hearing the Calling. If he is then there might be something unnatural going on.”

“My agents will find him,” Leliana said confidently. “But it may require a lot of time. Those boys of yours are slippery. Until then there may be another Warden to consult. I will ask the Herald to find him.”

“What about the man following Anders, Gabe and Tuck?” Fenris asked.

“They’re being followed?” Neria said sharply. “By who?”

“Quite possibly the man you and Hawke saw in Highever,” said Fenris. “The man who’s been hounding us for two years.”

“Andraste’s ass,” Neria swore harshly.

“Give me this man’s description,” Leliana said.

“Can you take care of him?” Fenris said.

“If he interferes with my agents or the Inquisition,” Leliana said. “I cannot jeopardize our mission for one man and two boys.”

“Understood,” Fenris said sourly. “I am going to find Martin.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter just kept getting longer and longer. In the interest of conformity I split it up. Bad news, cliffhanger at the end. Good news, the next chapter is probably about half done.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me on this. Your hits, comments and kudos keep me going. Enjoy. =)

“Cone of cold now,” Tuck yelled.

Anders swept his staff in front of him without hesitating a moment. Tuck pulled up a chunk of the ground and flung it at the unlucky warrior caught at the edge of his ice shards, the other two scrambling back. Gabe roared in frustration, dancing around and weaving through the group around him, blades a deadly whirl. Anders pointed his staff in that direction and Gabe’s already blurred movement became impossible to track.

“Para glyph! Fifteen feet in front to your left,” Tuck called out.

Tuck pulled a group of their attackers together on that spot. While they were struggling to their feet green lines appeared under them holding them frozen in place.

“Fuck _off!_ ” Gabe snarled.

He turned and saw his brother shoving his dagger into the back of one of the only mercenaries left standing.

“Tuck,” Anders said calmly.

“Chain lighting,” Tuck said evenly. “Same spot on my mark.”

Gabe pulled his dagger free and turned, chest heaving, eyes darting around wildly. He focused on the four caught in the green glow of Anders’ glyph.

“You assholes,” he yelled angrily pointing with his dagger. “Drop that sword or you’re fried right now.” The sword of one warrior with his hand outside the circle clattered to the ground. “You haul ass back where you came from. Tell your boss to quit being a fucking coward and take us on himself. Give ‘em a hand Tuck.”

He pushed with his magic and the four people were forced out of the glyph. They scrambled to their feet and stumbled over each other back down the hill. Tuck blew out a relieved sigh and leaned wearily on his staff.

“Are you hurt Gabe?” Anders asked.

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s not too bad though. Let’s go through these bodies and get going.”

Tuck hated this bit but knelt down to the first body he saw. Anders stood where he was, head swiveling constantly listening for anything unusual. Like the other two times they’d done this, Tuck found a handful of coppers and silvers along with two sovereigns. From Gabe’s irritated grunt he was finding the same.

“This guy has got to be running out of coin,” Tuck said straightening.

“Not if it’s falling out of his ass,” Gabe snorted. “He’s obviously loaded. What’s he doing in the Chantry?”

“I’m more interested in how all these mercs keep getting ahead of us,” Tuck said bending over another body.

“I’d really like to know that too,” Gabe said. “Their ambushes are getting better.”

“Who knows,” Anders sighed. “Do you have any idea where we are?”

“Not really,” said Gabe. “We can’t be very far into the Frostbacks.”

“Let’s find their camp,” said Anders. “Take their supplies and leave the trail.”

“Throw them off?” Gabe said. “How do we make sure we don’t get lost?”

“We walk towards the rising sun and keep the setting sun at our backs,” Anders said. “We’ll have to leave the mountains on the Fereldan side to get to Haven anyway.”

“Might as well,” said Tuck. “Our luck is going to run out at some point.”

*

“The Herald is gone again,” Martin said sinking down next to Neria at their tent. “She’s off to the Hinterlands.”

“Any idea why?” Neria asked.

“I think she wants to talk to the mages in Redcliffe,” Martin replied. “Maybe find that Warden as well.”

“Is there any news of Anders?” Fenris said.

“Leliana hasn’t said anything,” Martin sighed. “They’re still lost in the Mountain passes as far as I know.”

Fenris sighed and shook his head, hoping that Anders, Gabe and Tuck weren’t actually lost.

*

Tuck trudged through snow up to his knees following Gabe, Anders’ hand on his shoulder. Leaving the trail had been a mixed blessing. The mercenaries Whitney kept hiring hadn’t caught up to them but their progress had been slowed to a crawl. For almost two weeks now there had been nothing but snow, trees and more snow.

The terrain didn’t allow him to see very far in any direction when he managed to climb one of the trees. He had no idea if they were still being followed or not. Tuck was afraid that they were. It was only a matter of time before Whitney figured out what had happened to them.

*

“Fenris,” Neria panted as she slid to a stop in front of him.

“Do you have news?” he asked anxiously.

“Not good news,” she said darkly. “A Magister has taken over Redcliffe and the rebel mages. They set an obvious trap for Cadash. She just left for Thierinfall Redoubt and the Templars.”

“Venhedis,” Fenris swore. “What of Arl Teagan?”

“Chased out,” Neria said frowning worriedly. “Along with his family, the staff and nearly everyone associated with the Chantry.”

He paced rapidly thinking furiously. There was still no sightings of Anders or the boys and the passes were treacherous in winter. Most of his people wouldn’t last and none of them save Neria and Martin seemed eager to leave Haven.

“I don’t like the idea of all those Templars being here,” said Neria. “Leliana is still our best chance at finding Anders, Gabe and Tuck though.”

“Let’s hope Commander Cullen can control them,” Fenris said. “Negotiating the passes would be too dangerous at this point.”

“I hope they managed to get out of them.”

Fenris merely nodded and turned to the east, wondering if he knew the Magister.

*

“Any idea who’s ahead?” Tuck whispered.

“I don’t recognize the heraldry,” Gabe whispered softly back. “It looks like an eyeball that’s been set on fire.”

“Inquisition,” said Anders calmly. “Has to be.”

Tuck frowned and glanced over at his mentor. His gaze was fixed on the glow of fires not too far in the distance.

“Anders,” Gabe said cautiously. “There’s still a chance…”

“A very small one,” said Anders as he stood. “We know who and how many are at our backs. It’s safer to take our chances with them.”

“No,” Tuck said yanking him back down. “No other option. You promised.”

“There is no other option,” Anders said prying Tuck’s hand off of his coat. “Please Tuck…”

“No!” he hissed furiously. “We can sneak out…”

“Tucker Edwin Moore,” Gabe snarled. “Shut your fucking mouth.” Tuck’s jaw dropped and he stared at his brother in shock. Gabe pointed behind them. “They’ve been on our asses for two days with more people than we can take out. If they catch us we’re dead.” He jerked a thumb towards the glow in front of them. “That camp is huge. There’s a shit load of Templars but they seem to defer to the eyeball soldiers. Anders is right.” Gabe aimed a brief glare at the older mage then his face fell. “It’s our best shot.”

“Gabe…” Tuck said in a small voice.

His brother pulled him into a hug and whispered in his ear. “He’s doing this for us. For you. We’ll do what we can to keep him alive. All right?”

Tuck nodded against his shoulder. Gabe smacked his back a couple of times and pulled away, a grim look settled firmly on his face. Frowning, Tuck stood and set his jaw.

“All right,” he said stiffly after a moment.

“Stay strong Tuck,” Anders said quietly. “You’ll be fine.”

“Come on,” Gabe said softly. “Let’s get this over with before Whitney gets us first.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, that wasn't a long wait at all. =)

Tuck took Anders’ hand and turned, placing it on his shoulder. He blinked away the gathering moisture in his eyes and Anders squeezed. Gabe stepped out of the tree line and Tuck followed him. They walked through deep snow towards the fires and tents beyond. Gabe stopped about thirty feet from the perimeter when one of the patrolling soldiers spotted them.

“Hold there,” a female voice said, loud and firm. “Who are you?”

Anders stepped forward past him and Gabe. Tuck watched as he cautiously pulled his staff and tossed it to the snow in front of him. “Inquisition soldiers,” he said in a loud clear voice. “My name is Anders. I wish to speak with the person in charge.”

“State your business with the Herald.”

“I destroyed the Chantry in Kirkwall. Grant these boys asylum and I will submit to your Herald’s justice.”

“Maker have mercy,” she said in a rush. “Mack! Fetch the Commander! Don’t move. Any of you.”

Tuck stood still and watched the flurry of activity. The woman who’d spoken had her bow trained on Anders. Several other soldiers quickly surrounded them, weapons drawn and ready. Anders held his hands away from his body and moments later Gabe mimicked him. A few seconds after Gabe, Tuck did too determined not to cry when Anders was inevitably taken away.

“Don’t move,” the soldier repeated. “What are you doing with these boys?”

“Protecting them,” said Anders calmly. “Teaching them.” His voice turned bitter as he continued. “They don’t deserve to pay for my actions.”

People were approaching quickly from within the tents. None of the soldiers’ gazes wavered as two of the new people stepped through the ring surrounding them. The blonde man with a furry collar stopped in his tracks when he saw Anders. The dwarf took a few more steps forward then turned back towards him.

“Cullen?” she said questioningly.

“That’s him,” he replied softly.

The dwarf turned back around with a thoughtful look. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” she asked.

“Yes,” began Anders firmly. “Just… protect my boys. Please. They had nothing to do with Kirkwall.”

“Take care of him Cullen,” the dwarf said evenly. “Come with me you two.”

Gabe shuffled after her immediately, looking back once to wave him forward. Tuck forced his feet to move, stopping to pick up Anders’ staff on the way. He held it tightly in both hands and started towards his brother and the dwarf, stopping when he was outside the ring of soldiers. Tuck looked back and saw Anders hadn’t moved. Standing still with his arms outstretched, waiting for them to be bound, Tuck blinked away more tears. Cullen stood off to one side picking at the knot of his blindfold as another soldier snapped manacles around his wrists.

“Come on Tuck,” Gabe hollered from behind him.

“I’ll be all right Tuck,” Anders said loudly turning slightly towards him.

“He’s right kid,” the dwarf said from beside him. “Cullen won’t hurt him and neither will anyone else.” She smiled and tapped his staff. “Keep this with you. If I have any say he’ll need it.”

Tuck gripped it tightly and nodded, still heart sick but a little more hopeful.

*

The last few days of travel hadn’t been as bad as Anders had feared. Even though he seemed to be Cullen’s personal responsibility it was nothing like his last capture. His hands were chained in front of him, he rode on a horse by himself led by Cullen and he even had a small tent to himself. Cullen always announced his presence and led him to and from the horse. He was constantly surrounded by soldiers in a loose ring. Everything had been taken from him besides the clothes he wore, even his blindfold was gone. It was unlike any capture he’d endured before.

Despite the odd comfort of his captivity he was a little uneasy. He could often feel a presence that was unlike the soldiers around him. It seemed familiar. Even Justice thought it was known to them somehow. The soldiers never reacted to this presence that was almost constantly near him. Sometimes Cullen spoke to whoever it was and the presence left for a time but it always came back.

Anders sat in his small tent, covered in blankets, focused on the presence. It circled the tent a few times then slipped through the door flap and waited there.

“Who are you?” said Anders softly. “How did you get past the guards?”

“They can’t see me,” a soft boyish voice said. “How can you see me? Most people can’t unless I want them to.”

“How does that work?” Anders said arching an eyebrow. “You can’t just be invisible.”

“I’m not like the others,” he said simply. “You’re different too. Why else could you see me?”

“Maybe it’s because I can’t actually see you. I’m blind. I can’t see anyone,” Anders said working an arm out of the cocoon of blankets. He held his hand out towards the boy. “I know you’re at the door.”

“No,” he said confidently. “There are two voices sometimes. The other… a single purpose. He preferred the male form, another it pulled and stuck in a corpse. Trapped, alone and afraid. Nothing changes, so many smells, things to see, things to hear… beautiful things that no one else can. She talks and it helps. Not so alone, confident. He can see me. He knows me. That’s why you can see me.”

“How do you know those things?” Anders asked breathlessly. “Justice…”

“I want to help,” the boy said reaching out and lightly gripping his wrist. “But… there is too much pain. I don’t know how.”

To Anders the hand on his wrist felt like any other, it was warm and alive and somehow delicate. He closed his fingers around his wrist and felt leather bracers. “Too much pain?” he said after a moment.

“The first voice. Your voice. Dark and alone, in the cellar. The rattle of chains, big men shoving, uncaring. Fear turned into determination. I must leave this place. The thrill of freedom and the despair of being dragged back again and again. Strips of fire, dark and alone and very dark. Over and over until the rage overwhelms him and terror grips you. Then the two voices overlap.” He paused and took a shuddering breath. “At least they didn’t forget you. Cole was left alone in the dark to starve. I tried to help him but…”

Anders shuddered at the memories his words pulled forth and held tighter to his wrist. “I know what you are,” he said slowly after a moment of thought. “A spirit of Compassion.”

Gently he pulled the boy closer and worked his other arm free. He felt the air cautiously in front of him until he struck warm flesh. Lightly he ran his hand over chapped lips and across soft cheeks that were slightly sunken. Down to his jawline and past to his neck, feeling for the right spot, the steady pulse of his heart beating.

“Did you possess Cole before he died?” Anders asked pulling both of his hands away.

“No,” he said sadly. “Cole died so I became him. What he wanted to be.”

“You didn’t possess his corpse like Justice did,” said Anders thoughtfully. “And those types of dungeons rarely have anything a spirit might find useful… Andraste’s flaming knickers. You just… appeared?”

“I don’t understand it,” he said uncomfortably. “I just want to help.”

“I don’t know if you can,” Anders said wrapping the blankets back around him. “Gabe and Tuck are safe. I’ll accept whatever judgement she passes.”

“Nothing done. Nobody listened,” Cole said after a long pause. “Smoke all around. Choking and blinding. Screams of innocents, so many dying. Too much too many too big. We had to. We changed his mind but it took too long. The elf who smells like home. The Herald has seen him.”

He heard the rustle of fabric and he could sense Cole getting further away. Anders hunched over and pulled the blankets tighter. A shudder ran through him and he pushed memories away once more. Justice was just as shaken as he was and didn’t protest the image of Fenris Anders locked in his mind. He remembered the gentle touch of his hands and the sound of his voice. Eventually he fell asleep slumped over, still thinking of Fenris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I've gotten Cole right. His voice is sort of complicated. =/


	14. Chapter 14

Fenris leaned against the outside wall of Haven watching the soldiers train and listening. He was hoping to hear something about the magister in Redcliff but so far he’d heard nothing but idle chatter. Frustrated at the lack of any information he really wanted Fenris turned back to the gates. He wandered back into Haven and headed for the refugee tents. Halfway there he heard Neria calling from behind. Fenris stopped and turned to see her running for him.

“He turned himself in,” she said breathlessly as she skidded to a stop. “I can’t believe it.”

“Who?” Fenris said with a sinking feeling he knew who she was talking about.

“Anders,” Neria said throwing her hands up in irritation. “Walked right up to the camp and demanded to see who was in charge. He’s a prisoner in Cadash’s camp. Gabe and Tuck are now with Inquisition soldiers.”

He sighed and squatted in front of her. “How reliable is this information?”

“A note sent ahead to Leliana from the Herald herself,” Neria said sinking down as well. “She gave me a note from Gabe for you.”

“How did he know we were here?” Fenris asked angrily. “If they knew we were here why did Anders turn himself in?”

“I don’t know,” she said miserably. “Maybe Gabe explains.”

Neria held out a folded sheet of parchment and Fenris took it. He opened it quickly and read it out loud. “He’s all right. Cadash won’t let me and Tuck talk to him but he isn’t being hurt or starved or anything else. I watch pretty close. We didn’t know you were already where these guys are headed. I wouldn’t have let him do it. I’ll explain why when we see you. Gabe.”

Fenris read it several times before folding it slowly. What could have driven Anders to such drastic measures? He was positive that Anders turning himself in was an act of desperation. His own safety would have mattered little but keeping the boys unharmed would have been his top priority. What would have been so bad that all three of them couldn’t take care of? He thought about all that had happened since they had been separated and what little information he did have.

“Seventy sovereigns,” he murmured thinking of the man that had been sighted following Anders. “A substantial bonus upon delivery… An informed, well connected foe. The person following them had to have been the one who escaped in Highever.”

“Two years of failures didn’t discourage him,” Neria said frowning. “He must be completely crazy by now. What could he have done to make Anders do this?”

“Anders would destroy himself rather than let that man take him again,” Fenris said grimly. “But not if it would leave Gabe and Tuck in his clutches. He’d find a way to ensure their safety.”

“Such as turning himself in to a new organization,” she said standing. “One the Chantry has openly denounced. Anders slipped his grasp again.”

“Is he insane enough to infiltrate this place?” Fenris said standing as well.

“Or he could run to their enemies,” said Neria darkly. “We have to warn Leliana.”

“Lead the way,” Fenris said. “I also want to know what they intend to do with Anders.”

*

“Oh come on,” Tuck whined in frustration. “Just let me talk to him! I wouldn’t even have to get near him.”

“I’m sorry kid,” Cadash said apologetically. “Cullen said no one.”

“Tie my hands up and silence me,” he pleaded. “I…”

“No way,” Gabe snarled. “He’s fine.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Tuck snapped angrily as he glared at Gabe.

“I am,” he replied through clenched teeth. “But you aren’t going anywhere near those Templars.”

Tuck snarled wordlessly at his brother and stalked away from the fire. He knew exactly where Anders’ tent was located but he also knew he’d never make it there. The soldiers would drag him back to the Herald’s tent. For some reason Karina Cadash considered them her personal responsibility and she was rarely far from him. Gabe managed to sneak away from her regularly but they seemed to watch Tuck more than they did his brother.

He flopped to the ground in the middle of the path and sat with his legs crossed, both staves across his lap. Whether it was his magic or that he was Anders’ apprentice that kept everyone alert around him didn’t matter. It was extremely infuriating. Tuck just wanted to talk to him, to see for himself that he was all right.

“Do you two always snarl at each other like that?” Cadash asked lightly from behind him.

“Fuck off,” Tuck muttered sullenly. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Then don’t,” she sighed in exasperation. “Will you at least listen?”

“They only thing I want to hear is ‘Yes Tuck, you can go talk to Anders.’ What’s the big deal? He isn’t going to let me help him escape.”

“I’ll do my best to get Cullen to let up. Would it help if I told you he isn’t completely alone?”

His immediate thought was to answer no but he didn’t. Instead he looked up at her and said flatly, “I thought the soldiers wouldn’t let anyone through.”

“They can’t always see Cole,” Cadash said kneeling in front of him. “I don’t really understand how that works but you can trust him. He saved my life.”

Tuck sighed after a moment and nodded.

“Come on. Let’s get back to the fire. It’s cold over here.”

He rose and shuffled slowly back.

*

Anders sat in his tent wrapped up in blankets. The heating stones were fresh and he was warm for the moment. His captivity was difficult but he was still finding it easier to deal with than any of his previous imprisonments. The guards that surrounded him constantly while they traveled weren’t especially pleasant but they were polite. They answered his questions about the Inquisition and the Herald readily but generally weren’t very good conversationalists. Cullen had no qualms with discussing things with him however and Cole had shown up almost every night since he’d first met him.

He found himself missing the small familiar things he was now lacking, his staff being the most irritating. It was a weapon however and he fully understood why he couldn’t have it back. Since he spent most of his time on the back of a horse or in the tent he didn’t strictly need it either. On the way to and from he was discovering he missed Tuck and Fenris a little more. Cullen’s shoulders were broad and he’d grown used to Fenris’ slighter elven build, which Tuck was a decent match for. His face and neck felt bare without his blindfold and he even missed Gabe.

The tent flaps rustled and he sensed Cole. Anders managed a small smile and said, “Hello Cole.”

“Here,” he said softly. “This should help a little.”

“What is it?” Anders asked curiously freeing his hands from the blankets.

“The cloth for your eyes,” Cole said. His voice turned apologetic as he continued. “It took the Herald and me a while to convince the Commander it was all right.”

Their hands came together briefly and Anders was left holding a strip of silk. Anders smiled and began folding the scarf. “I don’t understand why he took it in the first place.”

“He knows things,” said Cole sounding puzzled. “His bad place and your bad place are very similar. The scarf is just long enough for hurting.”

“Hurting?” Anders said in confusion. He tied the dark silk loosely around his eyes and pulled it down around his neck since Cole didn’t seem to mind seeing his odd nearly all white eyes. As the fabric settled he realized what Cole was talking about. “There are easier ways to kill myself.”

“Yes,” Cole replied seriously. “He worries. He wants it to be right. He hopes for an answer that isn’t death.”

“My death you mean?” said Anders softly.

“Yes.”

“Does Cullen know you come here and talk to me?”

“He does now. I had to promise not to kill you.”

“Would you have?”

“No,” Cole said firmly. “Maybe before… but not now. That’s not what you want. You want to help. That’s all you ever wanted…”

Anders smiled sadly and nodded. It was disturbing how Cole could pull these things from deep in his soul but he couldn’t deny the truth of them. “Thank you Cole,” he said touching the scarf around his neck. “Could you do something for me?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me how Tuck and Gabe are doing.”

“They are both angry. Very angry.”

“Could you help them? We didn’t know…”

“I’ll try. I think they just want to yell at you though.”

He chuckled and pulled the blankets back around himself. “I’m sure they do.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Mentions of past rape and child abuse.**

Gabe tipped his head slightly from where he stood at the edge of Cadash’s half erected tent. Tuck looked around and found that no one was paying attention to him and tipped his head back. His brother turned and walked casually away, Tuck following a few long paces behind. He kept Gabe’s tall frame in sight as they made their way to the designated privy area. This plan to talk to Anders had been hatched the previous night after they were supposed to have gone to sleep. Tuck was determined to talk to his mentor whether he had permission or not.

Since Gabe was able to slip away he knew the routine they had formed. Anders was taken to the privy while the tents were being set up. Unless it was a dire emergency most were told to hold it until he was once again surrounded by soldiers and headed for his small tent to be secluded from the rest of camp. Tuck had drunk as much water as he could between the midday meal and stopping for the night and now had to pee very badly.

It wouldn’t have been his choice to see Anders this way. The man was incredibly private about emptying his bladder. Tuck had never thought much about the fact as he still had a hard time going when he was being watched as well. Gabe was positive it would work however and he had to know if Anders was all right. Tuck tried to pay attention as he hurried but his need was becoming nearly intolerable. He was surprised by a hand at his shoulder and a deep voice behind him.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to piss,” Tuck said half turning and dancing from foot to foot.

“You have to wait.”

“I can’t,” he replied desperately.

The soldier grimaced and waved him on. Tuck had lost sight of Gabe but he had expected to at some point. Gabe would be in some hidden spot watching and waiting, ready to run interference if something went wrong. The privy area was a little ways outside of camp and he saw soldiers lined up a little away from the roped off area. Commander Cullen stood among them, his back to him and Tuck stopped just short of the line.

“Lemme through,” Tuck said quickly as he pulled at the laces on his trousers.

“Can’t you wait?” Cullen said irritably after he’d turned.

“No! I gotta pee! I’d go in the woods but you won’t let me out of camp!”

Cullen scowled at him as he continued to untie his breeches. Seconds later he moved to the side slightly and Tuck shot past him. Anders turned his head to the side as he crunched through the snow to stand beside him. Tuck let out a noisy sigh and closed his eyes briefly at blessed relief.

“Inventive,” Anders said softly. “Hello Tuck.”

“Are you all right?” Tuck said. “They aren’t doing anything to you are they?”

“I’m fine,” he said gently. “You don’t need to worry.”

“Well I do,” Tuck replied. “I can’t help you…”

“Tuck,” interrupted Anders. “You can’t help me this time. This has been long coming.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Tuck hissed angrily. “You didn’t need to turn yourself in. We could have just been some people lost in the passes and begged for shelter.”

“That wouldn’t have worked,” he said. “Cullen knows me and he wouldn’t have let me go twice.”

“You don’t know that!”

“Enough Tuck,” said Anders firmly. “The blight will take me soon enough anyway. You’ll still have Gabe, Neria and Fenris.”

The chains rattled as Anders tucked himself away and tied his laces. Tuck sighed miserably and dropped his gaze. Anders squeezed his shoulder before walking away. He listened to the soldiers moving away behind him before righting his clothing and tying up his breeches. They were gone when he turned around and slowly started back towards the Herald’s tent.

“That went well,” Gabe said morosely falling into step beside him.

“I think he wants to die,” Tuck muttered sullenly. “I hate the stupid blight.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

Gabe jerked Tuck behind him and drew one of his daggers. Tuck stared at the person who’d appeared in front of them, dumbfounded. He was positive there hadn’t been anyone there moments before. The large floppy hat he wore hid most of his face but he wore leather armor and Tuck could see dagger hilts sticking up over his shoulders.

“Where in the fuck did you come from?” Gabe snarled in surprise.

“Who are you?” Tuck asked. “And who are you talking about?”

“I’m Cole,” he said glancing at Gabe. “Anders, he worries.”

“You’re the person Cadash was talking about last night,” said Tuck. “The one the guards can’t see.”

“What are you talking about?” said Gabe suspiciously. “The guards don’t let anyone through.”

“I can,” Cole said nervously. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Put it away Gabe,” Tuck said stepping forward.

“If he doesn’t want to die then why is he being such a jerk?” Gabe said sheathing his dagger.

“The song bothers him,” said Cole. “He feels guilty for the dead. You are the most important thing though… keeping you from the bad place in the woods.” He cocked his head and looked directly at Gabe. “But you have already been to that bad place. Does he know?”

Gabe’s eyes went wide and his voice shook when he spoke. “Yeah he knows. I don’t know how you do but if you mention that again I’ll gut you like a nug.”

“I’ve done it wrong,” Cole said fretfully. He waved his hand in front of them and said, “Forget.”

Tuck shook his head and blinked. Cole seemed fuzzy for a moment then solidified again.

“Who are you?” Gabe asked looking at Cole.

He frowned and turned to his brother. They’d been through this already.

“A friend,” said Cole evenly. “Anders just wants you to be safe. He doesn’t want you to suffer because of things he did.”

“Come on Tuck,” Gabe said frowning. “Before she sends out soldiers to find us.”

Gabe grabbed his arm and hurried around Cole. Tuck allowed himself to be led wondering at what had just happened. He looked back and Cole was gone. Throughout the rest of the night he thought about the things the strange man had said that Gabe didn’t remember. Why did he remember them and more importantly what did they mean?

For a long time Tuck had a feeling that something was being kept from him, something that had happened during those first few months with Anders and Fenris. Tuck thought it had to do with Serge and what had happened every night and morning when he took Anders away to the woods. He knew the Templar in Denerim had done something to Gabe but his brother steadfastly refused to talk to him about it. If Cole was to be believed, and he did trust Karina Cadash, then whatever the Templar had done to his brother had to be similar to what Serge had done to Anders. He went to sleep that night more determined than ever to talk to his mentor alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Past rape/non-con and past child abuse.**

Gabe still didn’t remember the first part of their conversation with Cole even though Tuck had told him of the event. Like he had before, Gabe told him what happened in Denerim was none of his business. Tuck had tried to speak to his brother out of formality but he’d known Gabe wouldn’t talk. His only hope of getting answers was prying them out of Anders. Even though his mentor could be as stubborn as his brother he was sure it would be easier to get him to talk. Tuck had been there after all.

After a few days of constant pestering, both the Herald and Commander Cullen, he finally relented. They were stopped for the night with Haven a few more days journey away. Tuck pushed through the small tent’s door flap and saw Anders sitting in the middle wrapped up in blankets. His head was turned slightly and his nostrils flared.

“Tuck?” he said frowning.

“Yeah,” said Tuck softly. He sat with his legs crossed in front of Anders, watching his head swivel as he summoned a wisp.

“He knows you’re here?” Anders asked in surprise.

“I can be a big pain in the arse when I want something,” Tuck said. “So yeah. Cullen let me in.”

Anders eyes unerringly tracked the wisp for a few moments then he sighed heavily and dropped his gaze. “And what do you want from me?”

“Answers. I remember what Cole said, that you want to save us from the bad place in the woods. What did that asshole do? Why did you feel like you had to fuck everything up to keep me and Gabe away from Whitney?”

“Do you know what rape is Tuck?” Anders looked up frowning with his brows pulled down and locked his sightless gaze on him.

“Sort of,” said Tuck slowly. “Sex but one person doesn’t want it.”

“A very basic definition,” he said grimly. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be intercourse, rape includes unwanted touching among a host of other things. Sometimes there’s a power imbalance where one person can’t refuse. That’s what he did. Every morning, every day, every night. When he decided to go beyond groping, he never let me rest unless you were watching.”

A thousand things flashed through Tuck’s mind. Anders flopping over on his side dry-heaving, all the soft groans and whimpers the few days before Fenris had caught up to them, the red skirt and the shirt that was barely a shirt at all, Anders curled up into a tight ball with wide eyes as he shivered, the funny habit of rubbing his stomach he developed afterwards. Even Fenris’ unrestrained rage and Serge’s shocking end suddenly made sense that it never had before.

“Oh…” Tuck said softly, horrified. “Maker. I… I didn’t…”

“You did,” Anders said firmly. He reached out and gripped Tuck’s shoulder, blue seeping from cracks in his skin and his eyes turning into blue vortexes. “Never doubt your actions then. Your very presence saved him from much worse things. You led Fenris to us. We are extremely grateful you did not flee.”

“All I did was worry,” Tuck said shaking his head.

“You were a comfort,” Anders said as the blue glow died. “A gentle caring touch after… you tried to help me escape. If I have to die now to keep Whitney from putting both of you though that I’ll gladly die.”

“Maker’s Balls… Gabe! That’s what she did. She raped him. That’s why he changed… oh… Maker…”

“I don’t know. Gabe won’t talk to me about it.”

“No. I know. Cole… he looked right at Gabe and said that he’d already been there. But… he said you knew?”

Anders looked stricken and sat back. “I suspected. He’s talked to Fenris not me.”

Tuck scrubbed his face, unsure what to think or how to feel. He scooted over next to Anders and leaned against his shoulder. His mind flitted from one horrifying bit of information to the other, never settling. After a while Anders gripped his hand.

“Do you understand now?” he asked softly. “Whitney might not have approved to begin with but he didn’t stop it from happening. He must be insane by now with his need for vengeance.”

“He’d do it,” Tuck said quietly. “I’ve only gotten the shivers that bad from two others. Serge and Angelina.”

“Don’t get discouraged Tuck,” said Anders squeezing his hand. “I don’t think they want me dead.”

“They might just lock you up,” he said sitting upright.

“They might throw me into the Deep Roads too,” Anders said. “I’m not going to sit here worrying about it. I’ll go mad.”

“I’d better go,” Tuck said reluctantly. “He said if I took too long he’d come in here after me.”

“I’ve missed you,” Anders said squeezing his hand. “Maker help me I’ve even missed Gabe.”

“Maybe there’s hope for you two after all,” said Tuck smiling briefly. “He’ll never say it but… I think he misses you too. I’ll see you later Anders.”

Anders nodded and Tuck stood, hunched slightly in the small tent. He looked back to see Anders once more wrapped up in the blankets, his eyes tracking the glowing wisp that flew in lazy circles around the top of the tent. It flew after him as he stepped out into the cold night. Cullen stood with Cadash not to far away and Tuck walked straight up to him. Like most people the Commander was taller than he was. He looked up and scowled.

“You could give him a lantern or something,” Tuck said accusatorily. “His eyes aren’t completely useless. He can see light.”

Tuck stalked off without waiting for a reply. He was halfway back to his tent still lost and numb from everything he’d learned when Cadash spoke.

“I thought getting what you want was supposed to make you feel better,” she said evenly. “You look like you just found something nasty growing in your pantry.”

“I got what I wanted all right,” Tuck said frowning as he glanced over at her. “It just wasn’t what I expected.”

“It rarely is kid,” Cadash replied sympathetically.

*

“I’m sorry,” Cole said softly from beside him.

“Tuck is an intelligent boy,” Anders sighed. “He would have figured it out eventually on his own.”

“It worked on his brother,” he said quizzically.

“That doesn’t surprise me,” said Anders. “Gabe isn’t stupid but he’s not much like Tuck. He gets these… feelings. It’s almost like he has a sixth sense. It doesn’t always work though. He had no idea you were here.”

“Wound up tight like a ball of twine,” Cole said after a moment. “Focused on the target. Too tight. Too sharp. Nothing can get in. Now it’s all scattered. I don’t think I helped much.”

“He’ll be all right after he’s had some time to think,” Anders said with a little smile. “Tuck is a survivor.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning: Past rape/non-con and child abuse.**

Neria stood in the gathered crowd with Fenris, Martin and Sophie. Karina Cadash and her caravan had been spotted and were expected to arrive within moments. Fenris stood stiffly, hands clenched into fists at his side and his expression stormy. Her demeanor wasn’t any better than his. Leliana would make no promises save that Gabe and Tuck were free to return to them.

“There they are,” Sophie said as the first horses became visible down the hill.

Riding at the head were Cadash, Varric, the strange elven mage and the Warden who wasn’t a Warden. Neria frowned slightly as she watched Blackwall. She’d told Leliana and Fenris of course but no one else. Wondering why someone would pose as a Grey Warden had kept her awake at night out of pure bewilderment but she ultimately had bigger worries.

Just behind Cadash Gabe and Tuck were visible, each riding their own horse. Gabe looked as disagreeable as he always did but Tuck looked dazed. He was barely paying enough attention to guide the horse. They stopped at the open gates and the cheer from the crowd drew his attention. Tuck looked around listlessly until Gabe smacked his shoulder and pointed at them. He nodded and they swung off of the horses. Neria stepped forward when she saw that he had Anders’ staff as well as his own.

Fenris growled softly and stalked forward. Neria handed Hayley to Sophie and hurried after him. Gabe and Tuck intercepted them before they could reach Cadash. He gripped one of their shoulders each and said curtly, “You are both unharmed?”

“We’re fine,” Gabe said just as curtly. “We need to talk.”

“I know you were being followed,” said Fenris. “We can speak later. Where is he?”

“Middle of the line,” Tuck said apathetically. “Good luck getting past Commander Cullen.”

“Are you all right?” Fenris asked his frown deepening.

“I know what happened,” said Tuck meeting his gaze unwaveringly. He looked over at Gabe, who now looked angrier. Tuck sighed and turned back to Fenris. “To both of them.”

“Tuck,” Gabe began.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tuck snarled furiously. He jerked out of Fenris’ grasp and ran for the gates.

“Damn it,” Gabe yelled. “Tuck!”

“Stay with Martin, Sophie,” Neria hollered over her shoulder as she ran after him.

Neria lifted her skirts and ran as fast as she could but still lost sight of him. She questioned the few people not at the gates and found him after a short search. Tuck sat in the snow in a corner outside of the chantry. His arms were around his upright knees, his face hidden. Neria watched him shudder as she approached and heard his muffled cries as she got closer.

“Tuck,” she said softly kneeling next to him.

“Did you know?” he said, his voice muffled and quivering.

“I knew what happened to Anders as soon as you told me,” Neria said putting her arm around his back.

“He told me…” said Tuck pausing to sniff as he looked up. “That there was nothing else… I could have done but… I should have tried sooner. I knew there was … something bad going on. I was scared…”

“You were twelve,” she said gently. “What you did was very brave.”

“If I could have gotten us away faster…”

“He’d be just as haunted by what did happen.”

Tuck shrugged and stared at the wall.

“Why was Gabe so angry?” Neria asked after a moment.

“He’s not angry,” Tuck said shaking his head. “Not at me at least. After I talked with Anders… I pestered Gabe until he told me.”

“Told you what Tuck?”

“It happened to him too. She… that stupid creepy Templar bitch.” Tuck sucked in a shuddering breath and turned to her. “For eight months she threatened me to get him to do what she wanted. Said she’d… do things to me… if he told anyone. All because… he looks… looks like… Father… live out her… sick obsessed fantasies…”

“Oh Tuck,” she whispered in horror.

“It happened… all… because of… me…”

“No,” Neria said gently. She pulled him to her and held his head to her shoulder. “You can’t believe that Tuck. None of it is your fault.”

Tuck put his arm around her and buried his face into her neck, weeping silently. She held him, patted his back and stared over his shoulder, hoping this Templar had met a grisly end during the fighting over the last year.

*

Fenris turned back to Gabe after Neria fled after Tuck. He arched an eyebrow and said, “How did he find out?”

“Fuck if I know,” Gabe replied miserably. “He wouldn’t tell me and wouldn’t drop it. Just kept digging until I spilled my guts.”

Fenris sighed heavily and gripped his shoulder tighter.

“Is he all right?” Cadash asked in concern as she walked up to them.

“Doubtful,” Fenris said tersely. “Natalie will see to him.”

“Look,” she said firmly. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“Let him go,” he demanded.

“I can’t,” said Cadash harshly. “The Inquisition has no official leader. We need all the support we can get and letting him go when he turned himself in of his own free will wouldn’t get it. I promise you he’s been treated well. I can also promise you Cullen and I will do our best to save his life.”

“That’s not good enough,” Fenris snarled taking a step forward.

“We _need_ to talk,” Gabe said stepping between them and pushing Fenris back a little. “She’s been good to us Fenris.”

“I’m sorry,” Cadash said sympathetically. “You can see him when Cullen gets him to the basement of the chantry. Let the kid know. This… hit him pretty hard.”

Fenris glared at her retreating figure before turning away and stalking off, Gabe at his heels. Martin and Sophie followed after and they stood in a huddle next to a deserted section of the wall surrounding Haven. Gabe turned to Sophie and tapped her shoulder with his fist.

“Hey half pint,” he said affectionately. “It’s been a while.”

She smiled briefly and hefted Hayley up. “Is Tuck going to be all right? Why did he run away?”

“Tuck’s gonna be fine,” Gabe said earnestly. “He’s just… got a lot on his mind.

“What’s going to happen to Anders?” Sophie asked quietly.

“We don’t know Soph,” sighed Gabe. “Tell you what. Why don’t you give me Hayley and go watch for him. He’ll be surrounded by soldiers and a big blonde guy with a furry collar will be leading him.”

“Nana said to stay with Martin,” she said glancing up at him.

“It’s all right Sophie,” Martin said gently. “Just stay where we can see you.”

Sophie nodded and Hayley changed hands again. Gabe held her out to Martin as soon as she started back along the wall. When Sophie was out of earshot Fenris gestured impatiently.

“That asshole that’s been hounding us for two years,” said Gabe grimly. “We found him in the first tiny village we stopped at. He followed us out and we’ve been killing mercenaries ever since. They got ahead somehow and ambushed us several times. More of them every time, better planning, better weapons. We stumbled across the dwarf’s camp with an army at our heels.”

“Why didn’t you just seek refuge then?” Fenris asked trying to control his temper.

“He wanted to make sure they took us in,” Gabe said remorsefully. “If we’d known… I swear Fenris. I wouldn’t have let him…”

“I know Gabe,” Fenris said after a deep breath. “Even with the mercenaries following you it makes little sense.”

“Well,” he said looking down. He shuffled his feet. “He told us what happens to Grey Wardens.”

“Can he hear it?” said Fenris in horror. “Is he hearing the Calling?”

“Yeah,” Gabe said softly. “He is.”

“Maker’s Breath,” Martin muttered. “It can’t be. Not both of them.”

“What?” said Gabe sharply as he looked up.

“Natalie is hearing it too,” Fenris said grimly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger, sorry. =( More soon. Promise. =)


	18. Chapter 18

Gabe groaned and his shoulders slumped. “Tuck is going to freak.”

Fenris pushed away his own despair and panic. “He shouldn’t be hearing it. Something is going on with all the southern Wardens. They’ve all disappeared.”

“All of them?” Martin said incredulously.

“I must speak with Leliana,” said Fenris nodding. “I will speak with Anders first.”

“There he is,” said Martin.

At the gates horses and soldiers were milling around. They watched Anders dismount, Commander Cullen holding the reins. When Anders reached out Cullen took his hand and placed it on his shoulder. The reins were handed off and a group of soldiers broke off to surround them as they headed into Haven. Sophie ran back to them moments later and they followed the procession to the Chantry in silence.

Fenris spotted Neria and Tuck sitting in the snow far back next to the outside wall. He worried for the boy but his focus at the moment was Anders. The last thing Tuck needed was his rage at the situation but speaking with Anders just might help him. “Gabe,” Fenris said softly. He pointed when the young man looked at him. “See if they want to go down with us.”

He nodded and frowned as he slowly walked over to them. Fenris stood with Martin and Sophie, watching while they waited. Gabe knelt hesitantly in front of them. Words were exchanged and Tuck sat up, swiping an arm across his eyes. He nodded and Gabe stood, offering each of them a hand up. Neria pulled them both into a hug and they remained for several moments. Gabe finally nodded and Tuck swiped at his eyes again before they started back.

“Whatever he’s going through I hope he’s strong enough to resist,” Martin said softly. “He’s a good kid.”

“I believe he will,” Fenris said confidently watching them.

Tuck shuffled up to him and sniffed loudly. His eyes were red and puffy and he rubbed his cheeks before speaking. “Can we talk later?”

“Yes,” he said evenly. “Let’s go inside. Cadash said we could talk to Anders after he was locked up.”

He nodded and took a deep breath. Fenris continued to the doors and stepped inside. There was nothing fancy about Haven’s Chantry unlike Kirkwall’s. Everything was made of wood, the decoration minimal and simplistic. Torches lined the walls, Brothers and Sisters stood around in small groups but Fenris headed for the knot of soldiers at the back. Cullen was standing in front of a door giving orders. Two soldiers took up station to either side of it and the rest headed for the front door as they approached.

“You can see him but not all at once,” Cullen said. “Fenris, if you’d come with me please.”

Cullen turned and Fenris followed him down a set of stairs. Two more guards stood at the door at the end of a long hallway. Inside there was a large rectangular room with cells on the other three sides. He spared a moment to wonder what a jail was doing underneath a Chantry. Cullen stopped just inside and gestured to the right. Anders stood gripping the bars of the door, looking calmer than Fenris had expected.

“Anders,” Fenris said as he hurried over.

“Maker it’s good to hear your voice,” he said holding a hand out though the bars. “Is Neria here?”

“She is close,” said Fenris in confusion. He took Anders’ hand and held it tightly. “Anders what…”

“Good,” Anders interrupted. “Fenris, no matter what happens in the next few minutes… remember I love you.” He broke Fenris’ grip and backed away to the far side of the cell.

“Anders what are you doing?” Fenris said feeling panic rising. He knelt silently, hands resting on his thighs and closed his eyes. “Anders!”

He didn’t respond. Fenris rattled the door and hollered again. Part of him registered Cullen shouting behind him and the hurried footsteps of him getting closer. His markings flared to life and Fenris phased his hand into the lock, completely destroying it in his haste. Before he could open the door there was a bright blinding flash of light with Anders at the center. He cursed and threw his arms up, heard Cullen cry out behind him. Fenris rubbed his eyes and shoved open the door. With his eyes still watering from the bright light what he saw froze him in place.

“What in…” Cullen murmured breathlessly behind him.

Anders was slumped over instead of kneeling. Next to him, where there had previously been nobody, a naked man lay prostrate. Fenris rushed forward and fell to his knees. They were both breathing shallowly, neither conscious.

“Get Neria,” Fenris said in a shaky voice.

Cullen turned and took a few steps away. “Bring the elven mage waiting at the stairs. Quickly!”

Running footsteps faded and Cullen appeared looming over him for a moment then he knelt beside him. Fenris’ hands were shaking as much as his voice did when he reached out. Anders’ heart still beat, slow but steady and he turned to the man that had appeared out of thin air. He had blonde hair of the same style and length as Anders. His build was similar to Anders’ and they looked to be the same height as well. It was the scars on his back however that completely horrified him. Fenris knew every one of Anders’ scars. Each gnarled knot, every shiny thin line, they were all exactly the same.

Wordlessly Cullen reached out and rolled the nude man to his back. They both gasped in astonishment. “What… is this…,” Cullen whispered.

Fenris shook his head, staring at a man who not only had the same scars but who looked exactly like Anders.

“What happened!” Neria shouted.

“Hurry!” Fenris shouted back.

He straightened Anders, rolling him so that he lay on his back. Multiple sets of footsteps echoed down the hallway as he pulled his unconscious lover closer. Cullen stood and moved around the other Anders and shook a blanket out over him. Moments later Neria skidded to a stop in the doorway of the cell.

“Dear Maker,” she exclaimed. “How…”

“We’ll worry about how and what later,” Cullen said firmly as he stood. “We need to know if they are all right.”

Neria nodded and knelt between them. Fenris watched as she felt for pulses and scanned them with her magic. “They’re both fine,” she said sitting back on her heels. “Unconscious but in no danger. Why are there two of him?”

“They’re separate again.”

Fenris’ markings flared to life again and he hugged Anders closer. “Who are you?” he snarled at the young man that had appeared at the prone Anders’ feet.

Cullen held out a restraining hand and said, “This is Cole. He is… unique.”

“What did you mean they’re separate?” Neria asked frowning.

“The voices,” Cole replied kneeling. “Together and overlapped before.” He pointed to the man in Fenris’ arms. “The first voice. The one that belonged.” Cole touched the blanket over the man lying on the stone floor. “The second voice. The other. Spirit and demon. Justice and Vengeance.”

“Cole,” Cullen said frowning. “Did you have anything to do with this?”

“No Commander,” said Cole.

“What are you saying?” Fenris growled. “That his demon just… appeared?”

“Yes,” Cole replied simply.

“Maker’s Breath,” Neria whispered. “That… shouldn’t be possible.”

“They weren’t sure it would work,” said Cole.

Fenris groaned and held Anders tighter. “Why?”

“Their guilt, the man who followed,” Cole said kneeling. “He wants to make it right.” He gestured at Anders then at Justice. “The innocent need justice.”

“Andraste preserve me,” Cullen murmured. “You there. Go find the Herald and bring her here. You, go get this man some clothing. If they aren’t in danger they both stay here. I want all of you…”

“I’m not leaving him,” Fenris said challengingly. “He will be disoriented and might panic.”

“I can’t let you stay,” said Cullen firmly. “Not after what you did to the lock.”

“Then I’ll stay,” Neria said standing. “I know them both.”

“I’m. Not. Leaving,” Fenris hissed through clenched teeth.

“Very well,” said Cullen after a moment. “We’ll all wait for them to wake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maker, this would have been a monster chapter. Sorry again. =/


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took such a ridiculously long time. This one is nearly finished though and I'm going to try and concentrate on it until it is.

The room fell quiet and Neria watched Fenris and Cullen try to stare each other down. She sighed and knelt down beside Justice. They weren’t trying to kill each other at least so she ignored them. Neria brushed hair off of his forehead and wondered if he was actually Justice. His chest rose and fell with even regularity like a normal human and his heart beat strong and steady. It was eerie how much he looked like Anders.

She lifted the blanket and folded it down a little, running her finger over an old scar on his chest. Anders’ habit of healing everyone else first had led to quite a few of them. Neria pulled the blanket back up to his chin wondering if Justice was blind like Anders. Carefully she pulled up one eyelid and gasped which drew the attention of the men around her.

“Warden Surana?” Cullen said cautiously.

“They’re not exactly alike,” Neria said looking up at him.

“Yes they are,” Fenris said confidently.

“His eyes Fenris,” she said turning to him. “They look the way I remember. Amber not that strange pale blue with no pupils.”

“He isn’t blind?” said Fenris his eyebrows climbing to his hairline in shock.

“Can you tell if he a Warden?” Cullen asked kneeling down again.

“I can’t tell,” Neria lied. She knew very well that both men in front of her were Grey Wardens. It was Blackwall and the way the Herald looked at him that kept her from telling the truth. It reminded her too much of herself and Alistair at the very beginning of the blight. Whatever his reasons for telling his false tale were his to reveal. She would make sure both Anders and Justice would remain silent about this as well.

The young man crouching at Justice’s feet cocked his head a little and stared at her for a moment. Neria had a feeling he knew she was lying and frowned. Cole shook his head slightly and turned his gaze to Anders.

“I wonder if he is a mage,” Fenris said his grip on Anders tightening a moment.

“No elf,” Justice said evenly. “I am not.” Neria looked down and found his eyes open. “Warden Commander. It… is good to see you.”

“What happened here?” she asked. “Are you really Justice?”

“Yes,” he said pushing the blanket down to free his hands. “There were… complications. His anger…” Justice sat up and shook his head. “This separation, having my own body. It was the best way to solve many problems.”

“If I may interrupt,” Cullen said firmly before anyone else could speak. “What problems?”

“The man Whitney, our differing goals, two sentient beings sharing one body, the list goes on Knight-Captain Cullen,” he said. “It is far better this way.”

“Commander,” Cullen said tersely. “I am no longer a Templar.”

“Is this man going to cause us more problems?” Fenris asked.

“Not as long as we remain here,” Justice said turning to him. “Whitney cannot hire enough mercenaries to challenge the Inquisition.”

“Andraste’s flaming knickers,” Anders moaned. “I don’t recommend trying that.”

“Are you all right?” Fenris said anxiously his grip tightening.

“I’m all right,” said Anders patting his arm. “Ease up love, I still need to breathe.”

“Oh wow. What happened here?”

They turned to see Cadash standing in the doorway with the rest of their little group behind her. Justice rose to his knees and the blanket fell. Tuck slapped a hand over his mouth and moved over to block Sophie’s wide eyed stare. Gabe muttered and turned around shaking his head. The Herald and Martin both looked highly amused and Neria couldn’t help a chuckle.

“Justice…” she said standing. “You might want to cover up.”

“Is he blushing?” Anders asked also sounding highly amused. “Please tell me he’s blushing.”

“He is,” Fenris said a corner of his mouth quirking up.

“My apologies,” Justice said stiffly pulling the blanket up to his waist. “There are… many things I will have to get used to.”

“We’ll get you some clothing,” Cullen said. “Herald, were you aware that Anders was possessed?”

“Sure,” she said stepping forward. “That’s pretty common knowledge.”

“Not anymore,” Anders said somewhat cheerfully as Fenris helped him to his feet. “He sounds like me so I imagine he looks like me too. This is Justice.”

“I see,” Cadash said evenly. “Cole, is he like you?”

“Yes and no,” he said standing as well. “Different spirits, different wants but…we are spirits.”

“I would ask for your assistance Herald,” Justice said standing, carefully keeping the blanket around him. “To set a trap for the man harassing us.”

“Why is he harassing you?” Cadash asked looking from Justice to Anders.

“He wants to bring Hawke and I to justice for destroying the Chantry in Kirkwall,” Anders said. He shuddered and held tightly to Fenris’ hand. “He had me kidnapped a couple of years ago but Fenris rescued me. He’s been throwing mercenaries at us ever since.”

“What Whitney wants is no longer justice,” Justice said frowning deeply. “He seeks vengeance.”

“I’d love to help,” said Cadash evenly. “It’ll have to wait however. We finally have everything we need to close the Breach and that is my priority. I can’t let either of you leave Haven though.”

“You have sick and injured,” Justice said. “Let Anders and I tend to them.”

“That okay with you Commander?” asked Cadash turning to Cullen.

“Perfectly,” he replied. “I will take them to Adan and he can show them to the infirmary.”

“Can I have my staff back?” Anders asked.

“I’m sorry but… no,” Cullen said regretfully. “I can’t allow either of you to have a weapon.”

“Then give me a stick!” he said in exasperation. “How do you honestly expect us to get around?”

“I can lead you,” Justice said softly.

“You… what?” Anders said slowly.

“I am not blind,” said Justice stepping over to him. “I am not a mage either.”

“How unfair,” said Anders in a small voice.

“I guess that’s settled,” Cadash said cheerfully. “Come on Commander. Let’s give them some time to catch up while we wait for those clothes.”


	20. Chapter 20

For the next few days Tuck thought everything looked fairly normal in their little camp. This was of course if you didn’t know that Anders didn’t have a twin and couldn’t recognize all the different signs of tension everyone else displayed. He had no idea what to think of Justice or how to read him. Even though they shared the same face it wasn’t difficult to tell them apart. Justice reminded him of a thunder cloud, gray, heavy and potentially deadly. He was the most serious grim person Tuck had ever met and that included Fenris, who he thought would always hold that title.

Anders smiled and joked a little more often but Tuck knew there was a lot going on inside. He’d drift away when not busy, hand usually rubbing his stomach. Tuck hoped that habit had come back because he didn’t have his staff to keep his hands busy. Fenris seemed torn between trying to help Anders with his troubles and bristling at Justice. Elf and spirit were often curt with each other but only polite about half the time. It reminded him a little too much of how Anders and Gabe still acted towards each other.

Neria was preoccupied with whatever was happening with the Wardens. Justice had kept that trait and he could hear whatever it was Neria and Anders could. She still made time to teach Tuck, Sophie and a couple of others that had stuck with them. Neria had also spoken with him again after he’d talked to Fenris. Martin was worried about Neria and what would happen to Sophie and Hayley if she had to leave or something else happened Tuck refused to think about. He still taught Gabe and the other remaining non-mages that were left along with Fenris though.

Tuck knew despite his normal grouchy attitude that Gabe was worried about him. He smiled and did his best to act normal when all he really wanted was to crawl into a deep snowbank and never come out. It was difficult knowing that the two people he cared about most had been raped practically right under his nose. Neria had told him several times that there was nothing he could have done to help them. Fenris had told him that too and repeated what Justice had told him in the tent before they got to Haven; his presence had kept Anders from enduring worse things.

In his mind Tuck knew they were right. There was only so much a twelve year old could do against a full grown adult intent on malice. His heart told him he should have done something. He sat by himself against the tavern watching the people of Haven celebrate and tried to deal with the conflicting voices inside.

“Hey kid.”

The unexpected voice startled him and Tuck shot to his feet ready to flee before he realized it was Varric. “You scared the shit out of me,” he said irritably.

“Sorry,” said Varric spreading his hands. “You were a thousand miles away though.”

“Just… thinking about stuff,” Tuck said softly as he sunk back down to the ground.

“You’ve got everyone worried you know,” Varric said conversationally as he sunk down next to him.

“If you’re going to tell me I couldn’t have done anything don’t,” Tuck said sullenly. “I know there’s nothing I could do but I still should have tried.”

“Maybe you could have and maybe you couldn’t have,” said Varric evenly. “We’ll never really know will we.” Tuck frowned and looked over at him. Varric smiled sadly and continued in a soft voice. “We all have regrets kid. This won’t be the only thing in your life you look back on and think ‘I should have done this instead of that’. Worrying about what you can’t change will only give you grey hair. Well, maybe white hair in your case.”

“I know I can’t change it,” Tuck sighed. “I just…”

“Wish you’d done better?” Varric said when he trailed off.

“Yeah.”

“Remember and learn…. Uh oh.”

Tuck followed his gaze to where the Herald stood with a lady he’d only seen a couple of times. A soldier was talking rapidly and pointing towards the front gate. She drew her sword as Cadash jumped down the small ledge and ran towards the gates. Varric stood and started after her, calling back over his shoulder, “You’d better get back to Blondie and Broody. We got trouble.”

He jumped to his feet and raced back to their camp. Anders and Justice were sitting around the fire with Neria and Gabe. Tuck quickly relayed what he’d seen and what Varric had said. Gabe ran off after Fenris and Martin who had gone to see about supplies. It wasn’t long before the sounds of battle drifted to them.

“We cannot stay here,” Justice said impatiently. “We are too exposed.”

“Let’s gather everyone here we can and get to the Chantry,” Neria said. “It’s the sturdiest building in Haven.”

“A lot of them were in the village anyway,” Anders said. “Celebrating the Herald’s victory.”

“I’ll run through the tents,” Tuck said. He pulled both staves from his back and held Anders’ out to him. “Here. You might need this.”

“Thank you Tuck,” said Anders grimly as he took it.

The minutes that followed felt more like hours. He ran through the forest of tents yelling at the top of his lungs, rousing the few inhabits. A terrifying scream overhead had most of the adults around him cursing and hurrying everyone faster. Fenris, Martin and Justice with a scavenged sword and shield ended up cutting a path through strange red enemies while Anders kept them on their feet. Tuck, Gabe and Neria covered the rear of their little group. 

They made it to the Chantry as Cadash left it with Varric, the warrior woman he’d seen earlier and the weird elven mage he remembered from the journey to Haven. She ordered them inside where Cullen hurried them along out a different door along with the other residents of Haven, the Inquisition soldiers, apostates, Templars and Chantry people. Cullen didn’t mention the fact that his prisoners had weapons just hurried them along with everyone else.

For hours they trudged up the snowy mountains. The other three that had gone with the Herald had joined them at some point but Cadash was still missing, likely caught in the avalanche that had buried Haven. They made camp in a valley, the mood somber. Tuck helped Anders, Neria, and Justice tend to the many wounded. He fell asleep curled up next to a fire, exhausted and feeling lower than he had before. The people they had turned to for safety were now refugees without a home, the woman that had been leading them lost or dead. A commotion woke him sometime later.

“What’s going on?” Tuck mumbled sleepily.

“Cadash stumbled into camp,” Gabe said quietly. “She was in pretty bad shape but Anders said she’d be fine.” He gestured over to where Cullen, Neria’s friend and two other women were arguing not far away. “Now they can’t decide whose fault it is or what to do about it.”

“Do they know who attacked Haven?” Tuck asked sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Varric, Fenris and Anders know who the leader was,” Gabe replied. “None of them seem too happy about it either. That dragon with him was an Archdemon Tuck.”

“Ah fuck,” he groaned. “I hate darkspawn.”

“You and me both squirt,” said Gabe grimly. “They aren’t going to find us up here in the middle of nowhere though. Only good thing about this is Whitney probably lost us too.”

“Now what?” Tuck asked after a while.

“Fuck if I know,” Gabe sighed. “We have no idea where we’re at. Even if we did there’s nowhere we could go because we’re stuck with these guys anyway. So I guess we wait.”

Tuck sighed and stared into the flames, lost in thought. Gabe was quiet next to him but Tuck was glad he was close. He listened to a lone voice start singing. Gradually more people joined in. Next to him Gabe began singing as well but Tuck just listened, comforted by the message in the beautiful melody like everyone else. 


End file.
